The One That Can Prove They Want Us Dead. . .

Problem.

You have a huge welfare budget and in the current climate you cannot afford to foot the bill.

You cannot cut the benefits you hand out, as to do so would be political suicide.

How to rationalise your outgoings? You cannot restrict the access for some targeted areas of society as you would be open to accusations of certain '-isms'.

Your research shows that your biggest drains on the public purse, beyond your 5-A-day officers and your Community Cohesion Empowerment Outreach Advisors are young single mothers, their pre-school children and the elderly.

You notice that all your biggest drains all do the same thing. They hang around the centre of town aimlessly milling around until they are allowed back into the B&B or the social pop-in day centre opens for its one afternoon that week.

I know, let's kill them! Let's kill them and make it look like we had nothing to do with it!

That is exactly what Ashford Borough Council has done with its introduction of shared space.

Shared space is public roads where there is no division of usage for motor-traffic, cycle traffic and pedestrian traffic. What could be a better idea?

I grew up in the borough of Ashford and have very strong links to the town, I am a fanatical supporter of the town's football team and have a number of friends who live there. I have yet to see this wonderful idea with my own eyes, but hope to rectify this on Saturday. The feedback I've received from everyone in the town is the same; 'madness, complete madness, somebody will die.'

But it will reduce the burden on the tax payer when these people are killed, plus you can also use this to continue your campaign of hate against motorists. 'Look! Look at the bad motorist who ploughed into this young woman of 14 and her three kids. His attention was probably diverted by the filthy cigarette he was smoking.'

Perhaps those at Ashford Borough Council had been down to Howletts Wildlife Park, one of the local attractions (and a very impressive one at that) where they have used the same theory of shared space between animals and visitors. Of course it should be pointed out that you are sharing space with a family of lemurs. I don't think there are any plans to tear down the very sturdy fences between guests and tigers just yet. Although this seems to be what Ashford Borough Council have done.

It is only a matter of time before lessons are learned.

As an aside, I've also been told by an Ashford resident that there is a plan for the fun-fair to come to town and for bumper cars, coconut shy and all to be set up for the enjoyment of all. . . in an underground car park.

World class!