Sunday, 28 December 2008

The One That Is Saying Bollocks To The Lot Of Them. . .

Sean Lock, the comedian, came up with a good idea some time ago. His plan was to run the next series of Big Brother along identical lines to how it is run now, with one fundamental difference. Not one second of it would be broadcast, they'd be no media coverage at all. So, when the wannabes finally left the house, expecting hundreds of cheering proles and the paps with their flashbulbs popping, all they would be greeted with would be a bloke in a flat cap and overalls sweeping up the carpark. 'They've all gone home, love.' He'd tell them.

Isn't it about time we took this attitude with Israel/Palestine? I'm sick to the fucking back teeth with this collection of arsewipes. Rockets fly into Israel so Israel conducts airstrikes against Palestine.

I used to have sympathy for the 'ordinary' people on both sides of the divide, their daily lives disrupted and if particularly unlucky, lost by rocket attacks and air strikes. But now? I don't want to sound hard-hearted, but I really couldn't give a flying fuck.

Palestinians: Stop voting for Hamas. All they are going to do is agitate against Israel. By allowing yourselves to be whipped up into a frenzy and firing off rockets and blowing yourselves up on a Tel Aviv bus, the only thing you are making sure of is that Israel continues to drop bombs on you. Hamas gets an even tighter grip on power. What do they want it for? How much UN and EU aid gets pumped into Palestine? I'd like to see the accounts going in from New York and Brussels and the Palestine accounts at the end of the year. I wonder. . .

Israelis: Stop voting for arseholes who think the only course of action is to bomb Palestine. Rocket comes over the wall? Scramble the planes! Bus blows up? Scramble the planes! Drop a bottle of milk? Scramble the planes! Stop treating the Palestinians like shit. There's something very sinister about a power that rounds up a different religious and ethnic group puts them in a ghetto and then restricts their supplies, don't you think? C'mon you've been on the receiving end in the past, try some empathy. Perhaps if you treated them a bit better they wouldn't be so keen on making things go bang in an entertaining fashion.

It's always the extremists who get the attention. Fine, go ahead, vote for them. Don't expect me to mourn your lost husbands, wives, children, siblings, parents and friends. YOU chose this course of action. Get the fuck off my TV screen. If you're going to behave like squabbling children, I will treat you as such and ignore you completely.

I'd build a fucking great big wall around Israel and Palestine. Blockade the ports, shoot down any plane attempting to enter or leave their airspace. No supplies, no water, no food, no fuel, no arms, no communications.

Then in ten years you can go back in and arrest anyone left alive for war crimes.

Saturday, 27 December 2008

The One That Is Cold, Angry and also Delighted. . .

Snowolf ventured to the pitchside this afternoon to see his beloved green and whites beat their closest rivals 1-0, and no, I'm not talking about the Old Firm clash north of the border.

It was bloody freezing, my tonsils are the size of beachballs, my head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it and I've got a cold coming on. No matter, we won and I'm delighted.

So I'm not going to get this outrageous peice of cockwaffle from the BBC get me down too much, but I cannot let it pass.

I like Vaclav Klaus, mainly because he's not afraid of standing up for himself and his country. This means the EU despises him and have already reacted in an amusing fashion after he made a bee-line for Irish 'No' campaigner, Declan Ganley.

Klaus is one of a number of post-Soviet bloc presidents who remembers only too well what life was like under the hammer and sickle. He's hardly likely to romp towards the (Western Soviet) European Union with open arms, is he?

According to Al-Beeb;
But Mr Klaus likes to think of his life as a kind of constant dissidence against what he sees as the erroneous views of the majority.
Erroneous views of the majority? Who claims that? Does he claim the views of the majority are erroneous? Is he not, after all, President, democratically elected by the good people of the Czech Republic? Only the second person to hold that democratically tag since the end of the war? He's not going to say that the majority of those who voted are erroneous, they voted for him.

No, what Chris Bowlby of Radio 4 wants us to believe is that the majority of people in the EU are pro-EU. Well that's bullshit, would that we had the chance to put it to the test.

I'm not suggesting that the majority of people are anti-EU, that would be naive, most people couldn't give a pair of Dingo's kidneys, that is the big problem. However, I think it's changing.

That scares tosspots like Bowlby, Barroso the Maoist and the all the other closet Communists in Brussles witless. More power to your arm Vaclav, finally, an EU President I would readily vote for.

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

The One That Is Glad Someone Is Making Sure I Can Sleep Safely In My Bed At Night. . .

Phew. Thank God for that.

I've been very worried. Whilst I'm far from convinced that man has a major part to play in climate change, (indeed I'm not entirely sure the climate is warming, Xmas in the North East US/Maritime Canadian provinces, anyone?) it is true that over the last 100 years we have done some shocking and idiotic things to our planet.

The destruction of the South American rainforest could have very bad results, it could lead to the extinction of a number of animals, birds and insects, some yet to be discovered, not to mention flora that could prove useful in drugs development, it means the destruction of the way of life of aboriginal communities that have lived quite happily in leafy isolation for thousands of years and it means we'll still have to put up with Sting generally getting on everyone's tits and producing albums of lute music. It is a bad thing.

However it pales into insignificance when compared to the threat posed to our way of life by consenting men putting their willies up each other's bottoms. Well, that's what the Pope says.

He explained that defending God's creation is not limited to saving the environment, but also protecting man from self-destruction.

Well, I'll put aside the God bit for now. I've said before, if I was God, those who run organised religions and claim to know what He wants and speak for Him, would be right up the top of the smiting list. Self destruction? Certainly. Where will we start? Slavery? Hatred? Wars which still have religion as the catalyst? How about repression in Zimbabwe, Myanmar, Saudi, Iran, China and a host of others? No, good old Pope Benedict gets right to the heart of the matter by saying self-destruction is brought about by a bit of bum sex.

I've never indulged myself. My arse is strictly a one-way street, but if it makes you happy, then carry on, it's not doing me any harm. The same goes for you ladies, if you want to take a close interest in the workings of another lady, that's fine.

People have been doing this sort of thing to each other before the Christian church existed and we're still here. If God really was concerned about it, I'm sure He would have taken some action by now.

So, Popey, why not get your own house in order first? Why not take some proper, radical action about the systematic sexual abuse of children perpetrated by your organisation? The old joke has it that Priest stands for Paedophile Resident In Every Small Town. I'm much more concerned about the harm done to unwilling or co-erced participants in this.

When push comes to shove, what two consenting adults get up to with each other is nobody else's business, as long as no third party is being harmed. That's harmed, not offended, by the way. It certainly isn't the business of some old member of the Nazi Youth who has swapped one ugly totalitarian auhoritarian regime for another.

Let's hope we see Stephen Fry deliver his own festive message, (this is a celebration of the winter solstice, I'm sure I read somewhere that the Romans held the census in the summer, so old JC is probably a Cancer) where he warns that old celibate Germans with ridiculous dress sense are a big threat to humanity.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. You religious lot have had it. You are corrupt, irrelevant and discredited. You've had a good run, but it is now time to go. So why not be good chaps and fuck off and leave us alone, eh?

Friday, 19 December 2008

The One That Wishes It Were True. . .

I've not said much on the continuing economic situation, this is for a number of reasons. Mainly because I am not an economist, to be honest the theory behind all this makes my brain hurt, I just do not understand the details.

Sometimes the fog clears and I have a moment of something approaching clarity, this afternoon I have had one of those moments. I've just been watching Sky News and apparently McBroon has said that the UK 'can and should be a beacon of light' in these troubled times.

Well, I'm sorry, I don't get it. You can stand there and point at a pile of shite saying it is a pile of golden coins sat on a silver platter until you are blue in the face, it does not alter the fact that it is a pile of shite.

From my simplistic point of view, we have this week seen Woolworth and MFI go to the wall. What the fuck? Are there two bigger names in the UK retail sector? Gone, winked out of existence. I know that MFI have a rep for producing furniture made out of cardboard that falls apart when you look at it, and Woolies is the place where you can get anything you want, unless you need to get something specific, but this is a serious indicator of something.

HBOS were on the brink, Northern Rock saved at the very last minute, a run on a bank, in what we are told is the 4th biggest economy in the world or somesuch.

We have Richard Branson, telling us that 'the economy is fucked.' I've never travelled on his trains, but I've been on his planes and shopped in his music shops, as far as I'm concerned, this guy has some idea what he's talking about.

We now have a government which as of the end of last month, borrowed £16bn. Does that amount of money even exist? If we added up all the coins and banknotes that the Bank of England issued would it add up to that? I don't think so, and if I understand it correctly, we are due to print more cash. Well what is that based on? Didn't Gordon sell a shit-load of our gold at the bottom of the market? What connects these banknotes to something tangible? I was told as a kid that if I took a fiver along to Threadneedle St, then a man in a pinstripe suit and bowler hat would have to give me £5 worth of gold if I demanded it. I've just looked at a £10 note it says 'I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of Ten Pounds' it's signed by some bloke called Andrew Bailey, the chief cashier.

Well, £10 of what? Fresh air? Printing more money? Isn't this what happened in inter-war Germany and just recently in Zimbabwe? Fucking Hellski, as DK would put it, I don't even own a wheelbarrow, should I buy one to move my valueless banknotes around in?

How the hell do we pay off £16bn? That's very nearly €350. And this is the problem, as the £ plummets against the €, we're told it is good for export? What are we exporting beyond stag parties to Riga who now faint at the cost of a Latvian pint? What do we make that people want? As far as I can make out, we have one chap selling imaginary money to another bloke, who pays the first chap with more imaginary money he got from a different imaginary source. How the hell that does work? What happens when (like now) no-one wants to buy our imaginary money any more?

And now we look towards those who are taking the piss, Tata, the Indian firm who are the owners of Jaguar want a £1bn bail out, but then fork out Lord knows how much to stick their name on the side of the Ferrari F1 car for next season (H/T to OH). I've been in a Tata truck, believe me, it is hard to imagine anything further removed from a Ferrari.

I understand that everyone across the globe has it tough, although I don't understand what event has brought this situation to a head, but as far as I can see we are not well placed to deal with it, we are well placed for a longer, harder time than most people anywhere else. I also understand that for the last ten years our prosperity has all been down to Gordon's prudent stewardship, except for the last year when it has been a global problem.

In prosperity we were in glorious isolation under the guidance of an economic genuis, in poverty it's nothing to do with him. When do we start blaming the Jews or the Romans as our former colonial masters? It was good enough for Hitler and Mugabe.

Me? I've got a €5 note in my wallet, I'm going to buy some land, some sheep and hire some Kiwi farmers and some Dutch weavers. It worked in the 16th Century and people will always need clothes and food. If no-one buys it, at least I won't be cold and hungry. . .

Thursday, 18 December 2008

The One That Is Saying 'Riiiiiiiiiiight', In A Sceptical Manner. . .

Reports in the news today that plans to elect people into senior positions in the police have been dropped.

Apparently senior officers were worried it would effect their operational independence. What? The police are not independent and should not be independent. The police are there because society demands they are there. They should be politically independent, but they police for us and should police in a manner that we want. Having directly elected chiefs would ensure that this would happen, because if they didn't they'd be out of a job PDQ.

Speaking of independence it would also appear to have been dropped because some Labour councillors could see that they'd not be able to lean on the police to do their bidding. If that isn't the biggest argument in favour of direct election then I don't know what is.

So which is it? Is it that having elected police cheifs will infringe on police independence or is it that having police chiefs appointed means that their indepenedence is kept in check by political pressure? Double-think.

And then, Jacqui Smith says that the police are becoming (becoming?!?!) politicised. She cites the Boris inspired departure of Sir Ian Blair, surely the most political police chief in the history of any police force in British history. She told the Graun that she was worried about the behaviour of the Tories politicising the Old Bill! She's got some fucking front, I'll give her that.

Not that I'm suggesting that the Tories will be any different. They are become a political militia, arresting those who speak out against the government (see Damian Green and that German bloke who was nicked at the ZNL conference who's name escapes me at the moment), producing figures the government want and only really investigating the crimes which government deems important.

I'll let you in to a secret, if you are the victim of a crime, it is important, whatever the crime. People don't want a support group or therapy, they don't want uniformed officers sitting in offices ticking boxes and implementing the latest social inclusion outreach stakeholder engagement programme, they don't want the Police chasing round to someone's house and kicking the doors in because they're growing tomatoes in their windowbox, or responding en masse because some chav has texted a threat to the new boyfriend of the woman he once screwed and impregnated. They do want an officer or two to attend within the hour because someone has smashed in a window and helped themselves to their jewellery box, not a visit six days later from a PCSO.

Want to know how awful the management of the police are, and the level of frustration felt by the people on the front-line? Read Inspector Gadget and Nightjack. You'd think they were made up, but it is just too bizarre to be fiction.

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

The One That Wants To Know How. . .

A senior political advisor, earlier today.

It seems to be death by a thousand cuts, doesn't it?

First there was the knife crime figures, released with indecent haste, and even by the standards of this government's tractor production figures, laughable. Apology from the floor of the House.

Then, and this is a real doozy, somehow this bunch of elected and appointed fucktards managed to embark on an efficiency drive that ended up spunking £81million up the wall, when it was meant to cut spending by £57million.

I would absolutely love to know the details of that one. How on Earth do you set out to save tens of millions of pounds, but then end up spending almost twice that in the process? It really does beggar belief. Heads should roll. They won't, because no-one has the decency to hold their hands up anymore (certainly not in the public sector, I work there and see it every day) and fall on their swords, and they won't get sacked because the halfwit minister that appointed them would be expected to follow them out of the door. I love the faux-hubristic bluster and fingerpointing across the floor of the House when anyone has the temerity to suggest they should go. How fucking dare they?

And then, and this is the real killer, despite us having the largest prison population in the EU, the largest DNA database in the world and more people inside now than at any other point in our history, there are a 'substantial' amount of prisoners who have yet to be put on the database. These are the people that should be on the database. How? How in the name of holy fuck can anyone be that incompetent? It isn't as if they are difficult to track down, is it?

My feelings regarding this government and the machinery they operate swings from abject terror to incontinence inducing mirth and there is a line that connects the two.

Firstly, the politicians have an attention span akin to that of a four year old dosed up on skittles, they must run around the table at cabinet meetings whooping and shouting as they try to get through the latest 'ideas' as quickly as possible. They are playing at government and are as effective as a paper condom.

Secondly, and with deepest regret, I must announce the death of Sir Humphrey. He doesn't exist anymore. In his place we have:
- A collection of absolutely batshit mental psychopaths who think that the film Wall Street is a modern management manual, who then destroy staff morale and wipe out goodwill.
- Those who have managed to persuade the civil service that in order to get the best they must pay private sector wages, but can't obviously match the bonuses and share options handed out. It doesn't attract the best, just those who think they are the best.
- The Righteous who see it as a mission from God to be ZNL's 'fixers'.
- Those who have been promoted way above their abilities, but have got there by vigourously following the civil service's ridiculous box ticking diversity and equality agenda. This will be implemented, whatever the cost to practical and operational matters.

The result? Make no mistake about it, we have a cross between Stalin, Mr. Bean and Darth Vader at the top, but his generals are all morons, his stormtroopers are armed with spud guns and all the spuds are ten miles behind the lines. The potential is frightening, the reality is like watching the Keystone Kops rolling across the Polish border in leased, poorly maintained Panzers.

Leg-Iron is quite right when he says the Righteous will never agree, it is all about personal glory coupled with insane arse-covering. They are doomed to failure, unfortunately as they self-destruct they will take an awful lot of bystanders with them.

The One That Thinks It Could Have Been So Different. . .

A puzzling line taken from Al-Beeb today in the report that Dr. Bilal Abdulla, who was behind the abortive West London bomb attack and the partially succesful one against Glasgow airport (more Shite than Shi'ite terrorists) has been found guilty.

This line jumps out at me:

'Abdulla an Iraqi who was born in the UK, was one of two bombers. . .'
I can't help wondering that if he had been, say, the winner of the BBC Sports Personality on Sunday would he still have been an Iraqi born in the UK? I'm guessing not.

I'd be interested to see how many terrorist attacks have been carried out by people from outside the British Isles in the years since the war. I'm betting very, very few.

Saturday, 13 December 2008

The One That Is Deeply, Deeply Ashamed. . .

This is Colour Sergeant Dura from the 2nd Battalion, Royal Gurkha Rifles. He died on active service in the 'stan on November 15th.

I've blogged a couple of times about the Gurkhas and the boundless respect and admiration I have for them having encountered serving and former soldiers on an almost daily basis. If the population of this country could absorb the qualities of these dignified men then we'd be in much better shape.

The story has been covered all over the blogosphere, with Obo, DK, The Refuser and countless others. The Real Machiavelli puts it very well indeed, the crux being:

C. Sgt Dura, 36, leaves two daughters and a wife. He had served in the British Army since 1992.

But the purpose of this article is not to recount his years of selfless service, nor to sing the praises of his heroism in Afghanistan. It is to draw attention to the most appallingly callous, bureaucratically pig-headed mindset Machiavelli has so far encountered. Because the Home Office is currently threatening to deport the wife and two little children of C. Sgt Dura.

Machiavelli is disgusted to learn that this Government thinks so little of C. Sgt Dura's sacrifice that their first instinct is to weild the full weight of the immigration system against his wife and children.
Colour Sergeant Dura lived in Canterbury, my home town. The Regiment are based at Shorncliffe, only about 15 miles from Canterbury and there are many Gurkhas in the town. My MP, Julian Brazier has spoken out about this, but for all the good it will do I'll be dropping him a line to give him my thoughts on this peverse and offensive situation.

Offensive, like 'hero' are words that are banded about with all too much regularity these days here they are used in their proper sense. It makes me deeply, deeply ashamed of my country.

Friday, 12 December 2008

The One That Thinks It Is A Bloody Shame. . .

So the jury at the De Menezes Coroner's inquest has returned an open verdict.

They really had very little choice given that the Coroner prohibited them from returning a verdict that they may have wanted to. It appears the Coroner was under a good deal of pressure from the legal teams representing the police to disallow a verdict of unlawful killing.

I wasn't in the courtroom, I don't have all the facts, but it seems outrageous to me that an independent figure is either pressured into or makes the decision off their own back to make this ruling. It kind of makes the whole exercise a pointless one. Given the information that has come out it would seem reasonable to suggest that the jury would have returned that very verdict they were forbidden from passing.

So the list gets a little longer:

Arrest of opposition MPs
Collection of communications data for all
Entry of all citizens onto a DNA database
The right of entry without a warrant
Systematic and obtrusive surveillance
The right of long-term detention without charge
The right to arrest and detain without detailing the evidence against the individual
The right to stop and search for no apparent reason
The right to imprison those who cannot/will not provide ID on request
The removal of habeas corpus
The extradition of citizens to a third country without prima facie evidence
The removal of the right to trial by jury
The gagging of juries where they exist
The removal of the right to protest outside Parliament
The arrest of dissenters at political rallies under anti-terror laws

And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense.

The One This Is Surprised He Was Lied To . . .

This report from Al-Beeb today.

The government has been accused of using "irregular" figures to claim a reduction in the number of youths carrying knives in England.

Well of course they have. Our political masters are bizarre Comical Ali figures, claiming in a Panglossian style that all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds whilst they sit limbless on the ground like John Cleese's knight from the Python's Holy Grail.

To be honest I'm surprised that the figures were merely irregular rather than complete fiction. Meanwhile they scoff as Mugabe goes on TV and says there is no cholera in Zimbabwe.

Such hubris.

The One That Loves A Stereotype. . .

The residents of a south coast town could be forgiven for thinking they had woken up in France this week after the entire area was engulfed by a huge cloud of garlic.

Marvellous stuff from Sky News.

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

The One That Hopes It May Be A Glimpse Of Light At The End Of The Tunnel. . .

"The country doesn't have a government to protect it," he said. "Citizens are experiencing a multiple crisis: a social crisis, a crisis of values. People have lost trust in the government."
Where is this?

Zimbabwe? Britain?

"We won't show any leniency," he said. "No one has the right to use this tragic incident as an excuse for acts of violence. At this critical time, the political world must unite to condemn those responsible for this disaster and isolate them."

Myanmar? India?

It is unclear what measures the government is considering after a third night of chaos in Greek cities after the death of 15-year-old Alexandros Grigoropoulos on Saturday.
Oh. Greece.

A very interesting article in the Grauniad (brought to my attention by EU Referendum) contains what I think is a startling passage of text given the publication it is in:

With many struggling to make ends meet, and one in five living below the poverty line, there is growing anger at the tough fiscal policies of a government determined to reach the prescriptive benchmarks set out by Brussels and rein in budget deficits. The disaffection has been exacerbated by allegations of corruption and a series of scandals implicating members of Karamanlis's inner circle.

I've always tried to avoid the Guardian, it is just as sanctimonious as the Daily Distress and the Daily Fail but people seem to give it more credence as it is printed on big paper. That being said, I've noticed a wavering of their stance during recent weeks, especially in their online content. Because I'm a masochistic old sod I listen to Victoria Derbyshire's phone in show in the mornings on BBC Radio 5, normally I have to turn it off after a while because it fills me with rage and despair in equal measure, but again over the past few months I've noticed more and more people espousing the sort of policies that sit very comfortably with a Libertarian agenda.

There's a big difference between people wanting the same as us and 'connecting' with us, I suspect the reflex action will be to vote Tory to kick this lot out, then a good number will realise they've voted for more of the same and will go back to Labour. We could be in for a spell of electoral tennis, but the seeds have been planted and are starting to germinate. What is even more encouraging is that due to the Libertarian's limited resources we can't really claim credit for it, these ideas are being formed independently of us, something which is sure to send panic through the big three once they cotton on.

EU Referendum says:

"Fear and despair are what these riots are about," the Guardian piece ends. This may not be simply riots we are seeing. This could be revolution Рthe revolt of the masses against the corrupt élites.

It is possible that is the case, but I doubt it. Revolution is very nearly always a counter productive thing, it is divisive and normally ends in an extended period of blood letting. That is never good inspite of what righteous devotees of whichever creed has taken over will claim. Proper change is evolutionary rather than revolutionary and is much more stable. However if the causes behind the civil unrest in Greece are as the Graun claim, it could very well be the catalyst to a gentle revolution of people rejecting the centralist, power stripping and authoritarian patterns of the EU and major party politics over Europe and putting themselves in power rather than the platitude mouthing professional political class.

Now that would be a good thing.

The One That Can See The Future. . .

It wasn't in the Queen's speech, but this morning the story has broken about how Alan Johnson will today announce that cigarette displays will be banned (there's that word again) in shops.

It would appear that Mandelsnake thinks it will hurt smaller businesses, Johnson has decreed it will go ahead anyway.

It was always going to happen, that or cigarettes would have to be sold in blank packages. Few people will make a fuss, passive smoking kills more people than the holocaust, Stalin's purges and the Cultural Revolution put together. Every year, if you believe the Righteous. It's for our own good.

We've already seen the first skirmishes in the next war break out. A plan to ban the sale of discounted alcohol has been announced. Of course, it won't apply in the Commons Bar, some are more equal than others. We'll carry on paying for the MPs' booze. They'll still be able to have a fag whilst they're drinking their subsidised gin and tonics as well.

Next? Well, we've already heard about the idea of a dedicated boozers' checkout in the supermarkets. But you'll still be able to see it, won't you? Best to build a partition wall around the booze section of the supermarket. Stick a man in uniform (paid for by the supermarket) at the little gate so he can check everyone's ID before they go in. ID cards will stop binge drinking.

Better still, I remember in Moscow in '91 they had this wonderful system, you went to the desk and told the nice woman what you wanted and paid for it. She would then give you a little chit which you would present at the counter when you were summoned to collect your wares. It's worked in Argos for years. What about a drinkers' database? Present your new smart chipped ID card when you order, a quick scan will ensure that you haven't gone over your unit limits for the week. You'll not be able to buy stuff for other people and parties, but it'll be so much safer, don't you think? It's a bit of a pain, but there are people throwing up in the streets and ending up in hospital, we can't have that.

A member of the Righteous says:

'But there is still the problem of the pubs and clubs. People can just walk in off the streets and order booze. It is a disgrace. Let's force the pubs and clubs to put card readers on the bar. 'A pint of Old Peculiar? Certainly, sir. Would you just put your ID card into the reader please? Oh, I'm sorry, you're only allowed one more unit. A single shot of Victory Gin? Very good, sir.'

Next on the list, all those bottles of fizzy drinks, packets of crisps and sweets and chocolate bars at the end of the checkouts, people are getting fat. We're going to have to remove them. Then there's the microwave meals and the cheap frozen stuff. That is all packed with fats, salt and sugar. Then there's red meat, I'm sure I read somewhere it gives you bowel cancer. Is that fish farmed? Tut tut. What about those vegetables? Are they GM free and organic? Blimey, look at the electricity these supermarkets are burning. Don't they know they're killing the planet?

Look, if we collectivise the farms we can issue rations to everyone who lives in the area, they don't need to go shopping. We'll look after them all, they just don't teach Home Ec in schools anymore. Rightly so, those happiness and citizenship classes are so important. Next door's kids came home yesterday singing a perfectly charming song about the new tractors the farms have been given.'

All of a sudden there is a knock on the door, followed by a voice shouting, 'Comrade! Open up, this is the anti-terror police.'

Monday, 8 December 2008

The One That Is, To Be Frank, Amazed. . .

By this story.

Not the fact that she's been sacked.

The fact that she's been sacked without pay.

Did you ever?

What a pretty situation we find ourselves in now. What is the country coming to when a perfectly incompetent public servant, who totally fails to deliver on what she is paid to do, and is responsible for failing to prevent the spectacular death of a little boy, loses her job and doesn't trouser an enormous pay-off?

This sets a very dangerous precedent indeed. I hope the taxpayer takes note. . .

Thursday, 4 December 2008

The One That Thinks It Is A Step In The Right Direction. . .

Well done to the European Court of Human Rights for deciding that it is a breach of human rights to store the DNA and fingerprints of the innocent on a database.

What a sad day when the government of a country that used to be a bastion of liberty the whole world looked to is taken to court over this horrible and disturbing policy. It is even sadder that Jacqui Smith seems determined to ignore the ruling. But then this is what happens when you speak against our glorious leaders, you get ignored. At best.

Leg-Iron has a good posting on this subject.

I'll leave you with these points:

DNA and fingerprints of the innocent being kept against their human rights.
Opposition MPs having their offices searched without proper procedure being followed.
Opposition MPs being arrested.
People being stopped and searched on the street for no reason other than the plastic plod felt like it.
The threat of being carted off to the cells for being unable to provide ID for no reason other than the proper plod feel like it.

They may have been writing about the USA, but the line from Rage Against The Machine's 'Know Your Enemy' seems quite apt; 'the land of the free? Whoever told you that is your enemy.'


I've removed a comment from some spammer telling me how I can earn £5000 buy doing something. I didn't really pay attention.

I don't like deleting comments and have never done so before. I don't mind if you disagree with me, but please don't try and sell me stuff. If I want it, I'll already have it or will go out and get it off my own back.

The One That Says This Is What Happens. . .

Thankfully the repulsive Karen Matthews and her partner in crime Michael Donovan have been found guilty of kidnap, false imprisonment and perverting the course of justice. Hopefully it will be some considerable time until these two thoroughly unattractive individuals see the light of day again.

Karen Matthews is 33 years old and has seven children by five different fathers.

It may make me seem old-fashioned, but I find that statistic to be a little startling.

An amazing five people have looked at this skank and decided that it was a good idea to go to bed with her. Indeed, two of them did it at least twice. Remarkable.

I don't know what she did for a living. I bet I can hazard a guess though. I bet she did absolutely fuck all. I bet we paid for her upkeep, for her kids' upkeep, for her house, for her sky tv, for her alchopops, for her fags, for her takeaway dinners, the whole bloody shooting match.

We live in a society where children are turned from sentient beings into a commodity. Have a kid? Have some cash!

So is it any surprise when this woman decides we aren't paying her enough to look after her rag-tag band of offspring and so decided to embark on a campaign where she kept her daughter drugged, subdued and hidden from the public so they could claim £50,000 in reward money?

This is what happens when children become an asset rather than a part of a proper relationship.

The One That Doesn't Understand What All The Fuss Is About. . .

8th March 2008
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Minus Twenty Centigrade, including wind chill
38cm snowfall over 24 hours
Disruption to life and services: Slow rush hour.

3rd December 2008
Rossendale, Lancashire, UK
Minus 2 centigrade, including wind chill
5cm snowfall over 24 hours
Disruption to life and services: All major roads and motorways closed, scores of schools shut, breakdown of law and order as cars left with engines running to defrost are stolen.

Bloody hell, why do we make such a fuss? What amused me is when I took that photo in Tronno earlier this year, there were people from Alberta rolling their eyes saying 'of course they just can't deal with snow down here, we get proper snow, they get a bit of a dusting and make such a crisis out of it.'

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

The One That Is Being Succinct

Spineless Supine Buffoon.

Tokenistic Incompetent

Control-Freak Authoritarian Know-nothing Bitch

Politico-wannabe position abusing fucktard.

That is all.

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

The One That Isn't Sure What He Thinks. . .

Unless something startling happens, this will be my last post on the subject of Damian Green.

This morning, the Tories are talking about an email which was 'mistakenly' sent to them (oh, the irony is delicious) which has resulted in them moaning about a stitch-up.

It would appear that Harriet Harperson, Jacq Boot Smith, The Straw Man and Gus O'Donnell are having a little tete-a-tete with the Sgt-At-Arms to discuss 'arrangements of the Queen's Speech and considerations in advance of the Speaker's statement on Police Action and Parliament'

It all sounds a bit fishy to me. I think now the only way I'm going to get my head around this is to bullet point my thoughts.

  • This EO in the Home Office was a naughty boy in sending Damian Green these documents. He should be sacked. Whether it was done for party political or public interest reasons is irrelevant.
  • Damian Green has done nothing wrong with making these documents public having been given them.
  • Damian Green would have done something wrong if he made these documents public and they endangered an individual's life or national security.
  • Damian Green will have done something wrong if he has solicited the leaking of documents.
  • I am not convinced of Jacqui Smith's line about it being a police matter. I cannot believe that Sir David Normington (Home Office Perm.Sec.) brought in the police (and he must have had a decent idea of where the investigation was pointing to as the EO had been got at ten days before) without Smith's say-so or knowledge.
  • Where was the sacred police independence when Smith pulled the plug on the Serious Fraud Office's investigations into dodgy dealings with the Saudis?
  • The Police are not independent, they are politicised. This is why Chief Constables and the Met Commissioner should be directly elected.
  • The police were not brought in because documents were leaked. If this was the case, every journo in Westminster would be banged up. They were brought in because these documents caused embarrassment to the government. Would they have been called in if the documents revealed that the cabinet all shit pure gold and would be our salvation? No.
  • MPs will jump on this story as an acceptable means to ensure that they are above the law. Watch for a bill giving them complete immunity whilst in office.
  • That being said, for the police to barge into a parliamentary and constituency office is a very worrying intrusion into parliamentary privilege. That is not the privilege of the MP, it is the privilege (and I would maintain the right) of a member of public to have complete confidentiality when corresponding with their MP.
  • Why was Damian Green not 'invited' to attend an interview at the police station over this? It was good enough for those implicated in the Cash for Honours affair.
So what is the answer? We cannot have a government calling in the fuzz whenever someone says or reveals something they don't like, nor can we have a Parliament which is above the law and is free to do what the hell it wants with impunity. It is an answer I do not have.

One thing seems certain, the new Commissioner of the Met, Sir Paul Stephenson, seems to think he's inherited a complete mess as he's dispatched the Chief Constable of British Transport Police, Ian Johnston, to review the actions of the police.

Could it be that he thinks the overly political Sir Ian Blair sent in the boys as a final 'fuck you' to the Tories, who he demonstrably hated?

The One That Is Talking About Rubbish. . .

How Snowolf Lane will look later today.


Bin night on Snowolf Lane. At some point today two or three rubbish bags will magically appear on my street. It happens every fortnight for the bin collection. Rubbish bags left outside bins will not be collected (unless they are in special purple bags which can only be bought from the council at a cost of about £100 per bag), they will have a jaunty little yellow tag attached which reads 'Sorry! We cannot take this bag.'

Surprisingly this doesn't make the bags disappear, they are just left on the pavement for seagulls, rats and feral children to pick through. I also think the note should read 'Hey Prole, we're not going to take this bag as you've not complied with our very important rules.'

I've been getting a bit pissed off with this whole bag situation, so a fortnight ago I called the council about it. I should have known better. What I expected was for them to send a little man around in a little van who would spirit it away. What happened was a little man was sent around in a little van who knocked on my door and asked to be directed to the offending items.

It seemed obvious to me that he hadn't been on the local council 'recognising bin bags with little yellow tags sat on the pavement two days after the collection' course. So I showed him. He then produced some gloves and rummaged through the bags to see if he could find information relating to the dumper contained within. He couldn't. He resealed the bags and then said to me that they would have to be removed from the pavement.

I thought it meant HE was going to remove them. It didn't. He was suggesting I did it. I asked him why he wouldn't. He replied they could have hazardous waste in them.

Could have? Doesn't he know? Is his memory that short? He'd just bloody looked through them. I replied in the only language these people understand. 'I am not capable of recognising hazardous wate, nor have I been on an accredited lifting course. If I should suffer an injury moving these bags, my next action would be to take legal action against the council whom I would hold liable for damages.'

He humphed and went away. An hour or so later, another little man in a little van turned up, picked up the bags, put them in his little van and went away.

I'll point out the obvious here.

2008 - Three visits by the council or their sub-contractors finally removed the rubbish. This at a time when local authority budgets are apparently under pressure. No wonder.

1998 - Some burly blokes in a dustcart would come round, either pick up the bins and put them on their loader or empty them manually, and then pick up the bags on the pavement and chuck them in the back.

This is not progress. This is idiotarianism in action.