Labour MP Frank Cook claimed on expenses for a £5 church donation he made at a Battle of Britain memorial service, the Sunday Telegraph reports.I mean, seriously, how cheap do you have to be to do that? How little respect can you have?
The MP for Stockton-on-Tees submitted the 2006 claim with a handwritten note, but it was later rejected by the Commons Fees Office, the paper says.
So there may be someone in the Fees Office with something approaching some common sense after all then.
Mr Cook said he did not recall the claim and described it as "a mistake".
Hang on, if you didn't recall it, how can you explain it away as a mistake? I've never been in the position where I've filled in a claim for the Commons Fees Office, but I'm assuming that a handwritten note goes something like this:
Dear Fees Office Minion,
I made a £5 donation to a church the other day. They didn't give a receipt. Please cough up.
Oh, sorry, that should have said Cook.
Mistake? What did you mean to write instead? You donated £50? £500? It may only be a fiver, and at that a fiver you were told to go and whistle for, but that is irrelevant. What sort of complete cock-monkey, arse-clown fucktard puts in an expenses claim for a donation to charity? And one that I should imagine is not fed at the expense of the taxpayer.