The One That Is Saying 'Well, It Is Summer'. . .

Honestly, they really do think we are a clueless bunch of mouth-breathing lackwits, don't they?

A heatwave alert has been issued by the Met Office amid warnings of extreme temperatures over the next few days.

Hmmm, OK. Well it is nearly July. One would expect a bit of sun and warmth.

There is a 60% risk of a heatwave for Monday and Tuesday with daytime highs in London reaching 32C and remaining warm at night.

Oh for crying out loud. Do two days really constitute a heatwave? And 32C, it isn't exactly Ice Cold in Alex, is it? Families go on holiday to Florida in the February half term expecting that. Hang on, 60% chance? You mean it is only slightly more likely than not?

The Met Office has predicted that around the country daytime temperatures could reach 29-30C

What? 30C? In summer? In the UK? No doubt we'll have one of the weather people on TV telling us how it was warmer than Jamaica or the solar facing surface of Mercury, or somewhere.

What on Earth should we do in the face of these never before experienced temperatures?

'. . .drink cold drinks like water or fruit juice regularly and avoid tea, coffee and alcohol'

Bloody hell, I'm glad they pointed that out. I'd have never thought of that. What else?

'People with respiratory problems should stay inside during the hottest part of the day.'

Or anyone with even the merest degree of the sense they were born with.

'Older people [give me fucking strength, older than what? - Wolfers] especially those on medication, can often find coping with the heat particularly difficult.' Poor old buggers, they're always in for it, it only seems like a few weeks ago when an afternoon of snow meant we were being warned that the nearly dead were all about to turn into Captain Oates.

Whilst we're on the subject, do you think, MSM, you could drop the annoying habit of referring to the temperature in Farenheit as soon as it touches 25 Celsius? It gets right on my tits.