Just no. No. Got it? No. That's no.

Members of the European Parliament are backing calls to fly the EU's blue flag with yellow stars at sporting events, such as Wimbledon, held in its territory and, most controversially, to have the EU emblem on national team shirts.

The proposals, to be released next week, stipulate that all national sports teams, including football, rugby, cricket and the British Olympic team, would be forced to have the EU emblem appear on their jerseys.

Oh, can you not please fuck off?

The idea – dismissed by the Tories as "simply daft" – is contained in a report on "The European Dimension in Sport", drafted by Spanish centre-right MEP Santiago Fisas Ayxela which will be presented to the Parliament next week.

A European Commission source said the executive is keen to promote the 'European dimension' in sport and could bring forward the idea but only with full agreement with the competent national bodies.

Well, given the Tories' form in this area, we can expect pressure to be brought to bear on the FA, RFU, ECB, UK Athletics and everyone else to wear the shitty little patch on the shirts and vests before the summer is out then.

Saying 'in Europe, but not run by Europe' is like saying 'in a lab contaminated by a rampant flesh eating virus that causes death on a biblical scale within three hours, but not infected by a rampant flesh eating virus that causes death on a biblical scale within three hours.'

Can we leave yet?