So, the Pope then.

Amazing to see that he hasn't been able to sell all his tickets. This is the first official visit by the head of the Catholic church ever. He hasn't even been able to sell as many tickets as Manchester United manage once a week, and they're as hated as this fellow.

It seems remarkable to me that in a time of cuts, that we're spunking upwards of £10m on the visit of some former Nazi who has spent most of the last year acting as an apologist for the child abuse which has been running rampant through his organisation.

It isn't just that we're footing the bill, it would also appear that as well as picking up the tab, we're also going to be giving in to demands from the deranged old bastard. Even the Queen for crying out loud. It would appear that she will be expected to wear black whilst in 'His' presence. I hope to the Flying Spaghetti Monster (Sauce be upon Him) that she doesn't wear a mantilla.

And then there's the drivel that's being spouted from the entourage the sinister eyed old Paedo lover will be bringing, or not, with him:

“When you arrive at Heathrow you think at times that you’ve landed in a Third World country.” 

Way to endear yourselves to your hosts. What on Earth did you mean by that?

Mgr Oliver Lahl, said the remark was a reference to the diverse, multi-cultural population of Britain

Fuck me, paedophilia and racism? What do you need for the full set? Is the Pope going to sit having a smoke in his new steam driven Pope mobile whilst buckfast drinking, BigMac eating Cardinals shovel barn owls covered in crude oil into the furnace?

Cardinal Kasper, [...], said that Britain was a “secular and pluralist” country in which there was a “distance from God”, noting that there was “a crisis of faith” in much of the West.

No crisis here mate. Perhaps you just haven't quite got the message that your organisation is now an irrelevance. We've worked out that the Earth orbits the Sun, and that even with the latest mechanical retrieval technology there's no way you're going to make a handful of fish go round a dinner party of five thousand. We don't need you any more.

In a break with tradition, the Pope is returning to Rome with Alitalia rather than Britain’s flag carrier. 

Well, that is actually good news. What if BA went on strike? We'd be stuck with him and his freeloading mates for days, and there are children about, what if they started hanging around outside Catholic primary schools, which I understand is some sort of Papal code for 'pick-up bar'?

The Cardinal also said the Catholic Church would “never” allow the ordination of women. Asked if the Church might soften its position on women priests in 100 or 200 years, he said: “I’m not a prophet, but I don’t think so.” 

Excellent, we chalk up sexism to the list as well then. Know your place, bitch.

The Anglican Communion has allowed women to be ordained and priests to be married, but the cardinal asked: “Does it seem to you that things have gone better for them?” 

No, but that's because they're an irrelevance as well, it's nothing to do with allowing the clergy to get their leg-over, even if the person is able to give legal consent, nor is it to do with vicars worrying that the cassock makes their bum look big.

A Vatican source denied that the last minute withdrawal was a blow to the Pope’s trip but said that Cardinal Kasper’s “expertise” on ecumenical dialogue would be “much missed”. 

Yeah, after all that, he's the best they've got. I can imagine the dicussion between Cameron and Hague; 'I'm sorry David, but Alf Garnett is the only person we can send to be our Ambassador to the UN.' Good grief.

“He is quite a liberal figure who doesn’t always see eye to eye with the Pope, and he has been very friendly towards the Anglicans,” the source said. 

Tea ------> monitor. Really? Come on, tell us another one!

The Most Rev Peter Smith, Archbishop of Southwark, has warned that "crackpots and lunatics" may try to disrupt the papal visit. 

Well, he asked them along. Hmmmm? What? You mean he wasn't referring to the entourage? There's people more crackpot and lunatic? Really? Oh this should be good, I can't wait to see them! There are loads of tickets for sale after all.

They're all absolutely bonkers.