The One That Can Scarcely Believe It. . .

Warning to children: This post contains bad language. You might have been told swearing is not big or clever. Swearing if done with style and creativity is very big, and very clever. It will upset adults, so make sure you do it, with style and creativity, as much as possible. Go to BBC I-Player and look for Malcolm Tucker in 'The Thick Of It' - that's swearing with style and creativity. It really will upset the adults, but hey, fuck 'em.

Well, I'm writing this having got back in from an aborted attempt to get to work this morning. I only have to drive 20 miles, but the minor roads I have to use were completely untreated and bloody dangerous. Sod it, my work isn't important enough to risk having an accident.

The point being, not a rant against the failure of the powers that be to treat the roads, again, but that it is cold. Very cold.

When I was a boy, I'd always be getting grief from my grandmother for not 'wrapping up warm', I would apparently catch my death of cold. No right thinking person would send a child out in these conditions without a coat. Certainly no-one with responsibility for the care of a child. Or so you'd think.

Children at a secondary school in Kent had their coats confiscated in freezing conditions because they were not wearing regulation uniform.

Oh, please tell me you're having a laugh.

Students at Aylesford School Sports College who were not wearing the school coat were told to hand their own in and to collect them at the end of the day.

Right, yes, of course. And what drove them to take these coats (which of course the school don't own)?

Head teacher Doug Lawson said: "We sent a reminder letter out which outlined our expectations with our uniform."

Sounds to me like Doug Lawson is a prize cunt.

"The uniform was decided upon after lengthy consultations with students and parents, the parents' views being of particular importance. "

Doesn't he sound like a politician? Lenghty consultations? Parents' views?

And at what point did a parent give the view that if a child wasn't wearing a presrcibed coat then it should be relieved of what it was wearing instead?

You can't take pictures of your school play - it's for the safety of the children.

You can't have prizes at sports day - it's for the good of the childrens' self-esteem.

You can't discipline unruly children - it's because of their human rights.

You can't wear that coat - it's against MY totally arbitrary rules. Obey me.

Well, you know what, Doug Lawson of Aylesford School Sports College? Fuck you in the ear with a snowball wrapped around a bit of flint. Any person who deprives a child of a coat in sub-zero temperatures is not fit to look after children. I'd be making allegations of abuse.

Your expectations with your uniform? Do you put your wife in detention if she doesn't meet your expectations relating to oral sex?

Twat.

I live in Kent and given the weather round my way, I would imagine the school is closed today. Perhaps some kids from Aylesford School Sports College have been quite entertained with their school and Doug Lawson being in the news. Perhaps they've Googled to see what they can find. Perhaps they've found this.

If they have:

Kids; when your school re-opens, tell Mr. Doug Lawson he is an authoritarian fuckwit, more concerned with your unquestioning obedience to his senseless rules than your not being fecking freezing.

Get used to senseless rules, it'll be no better when you leave school. Get used to doing what you're told, get used to being pushed around. Get used to being penalised for trying to do your best whilst those who can't be arsed or cause trouble get the rewards.

Get on-line to i-tunes or some other online musical outlet and download Rage Against The Machine's eponymous album (ask your English teacher if you don't what eponymous means, or even better, find out for yourself), the Christmas number one is on that album. Use the anger on that album, it was written for people your age. It came out when I was your age.

Use your brain when you rebel, but make sure you rebel. Question everything. Ask yourself, why am I being told this? Realise that an education can be political as well as academic.

1+1=2 - that is an academic education.

You should feel guilty because British people who died over 200 years ago were involved in the slave trade - that is a political education.

Slavery is bad. It means you have to do as you are told and follow stupid rules, or you are punished, probably worse than having your coat taken off you on a cold day. But it isn't your fault that all this went on and was banned about 190 years before you were born, is it?