Tuesday, 16 December 2008

The One That Wants To Know How. . .

A senior political advisor, earlier today.

It seems to be death by a thousand cuts, doesn't it?

First there was the knife crime figures, released with indecent haste, and even by the standards of this government's tractor production figures, laughable. Apology from the floor of the House.

Then, and this is a real doozy, somehow this bunch of elected and appointed fucktards managed to embark on an efficiency drive that ended up spunking £81million up the wall, when it was meant to cut spending by £57million.

I would absolutely love to know the details of that one. How on Earth do you set out to save tens of millions of pounds, but then end up spending almost twice that in the process? It really does beggar belief. Heads should roll. They won't, because no-one has the decency to hold their hands up anymore (certainly not in the public sector, I work there and see it every day) and fall on their swords, and they won't get sacked because the halfwit minister that appointed them would be expected to follow them out of the door. I love the faux-hubristic bluster and fingerpointing across the floor of the House when anyone has the temerity to suggest they should go. How fucking dare they?

And then, and this is the real killer, despite us having the largest prison population in the EU, the largest DNA database in the world and more people inside now than at any other point in our history, there are a 'substantial' amount of prisoners who have yet to be put on the database. These are the people that should be on the database. How? How in the name of holy fuck can anyone be that incompetent? It isn't as if they are difficult to track down, is it?

My feelings regarding this government and the machinery they operate swings from abject terror to incontinence inducing mirth and there is a line that connects the two.

Firstly, the politicians have an attention span akin to that of a four year old dosed up on skittles, they must run around the table at cabinet meetings whooping and shouting as they try to get through the latest 'ideas' as quickly as possible. They are playing at government and are as effective as a paper condom.

Secondly, and with deepest regret, I must announce the death of Sir Humphrey. He doesn't exist anymore. In his place we have:
- A collection of absolutely batshit mental psychopaths who think that the film Wall Street is a modern management manual, who then destroy staff morale and wipe out goodwill.
- Those who have managed to persuade the civil service that in order to get the best they must pay private sector wages, but can't obviously match the bonuses and share options handed out. It doesn't attract the best, just those who think they are the best.
- The Righteous who see it as a mission from God to be ZNL's 'fixers'.
- Those who have been promoted way above their abilities, but have got there by vigourously following the civil service's ridiculous box ticking diversity and equality agenda. This will be implemented, whatever the cost to practical and operational matters.

The result? Make no mistake about it, we have a cross between Stalin, Mr. Bean and Darth Vader at the top, but his generals are all morons, his stormtroopers are armed with spud guns and all the spuds are ten miles behind the lines. The potential is frightening, the reality is like watching the Keystone Kops rolling across the Polish border in leased, poorly maintained Panzers.

Leg-Iron is quite right when he says the Righteous will never agree, it is all about personal glory coupled with insane arse-covering. They are doomed to failure, unfortunately as they self-destruct they will take an awful lot of bystanders with them.

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