The One That Would Just Stop Building Giant Goats. . .

. . . and other oddities.

A few things have tickled me and annoyed me today.

Firstly, for the 24th time in 44 years, a traditional giant straw goat in the Swedish town of Gavle has been burned to the ground by vandals.

In 2001 some bloke even travelled all the way from Ohio to burn it to the ground and was sent to jail for his trouble. It seems to me that this goat burning is becoming a tradition in itself. The local council need to engage some sort of celebrity to do it and bring in the crowds. Or they could, y’know, just stop building giant goats.

In a day of strange animal stories, a bullock in Birmingham has decided he doesn't fancy being someone's dinner and so has done the off from an abattoir in the city. Only to be shot dead by armed police.

Perhaps they thought he was a terrorist? I wonder if the coppers involved will be suspended pending an investigation? Is that for whenever they discharge their weapons, or only if they shoot humans?

Meanwhile people flying into Prestwick obviously didn't check the 'yes please' box on the booking form and cough up an extra £30 to Ryanair to make sure they actually landed on a runway.

Of course tourists are apparently as guilty as causing inconvenience to snow as snow is as guilty of causing inconvenience to them.

Irony of ironies, it appears that endless eco-tourists are fouling up the Antarctic. Reading the report, it appears no-one owns it. Excellent. Perhaps we can set up our own Libertarian utopia. We'll claim the land for ourselves, it'll be a bit chilly, but on the plus side there'll be all the penguins you can eat.

It's obviously a very slow news day. Yet that doesn't stop the BBC who drove me up the wall this morning. I don't know why I do it to myself, but I was listening to Radio 5 who had an interesting segment on PPOs (Prolific and Priority Offenders) and a programme that has been introduced to try to break them out of that cycle. There were a couple of offenders who have been on the scheme for some time and it actually sounded like quite a promising idea. Of course you couldn't follow the thread because they kept interrupting with updates from the High Court because Boy George had had his appeal to vary the terms of his licence so he could be a contestant in (used to be a) Celebrity Big Brother refused.

It's amazing, most people are glad to be out on a tag, and he wants to be locked up again? He's claiming discrimination of course, is it bollocks. Would Joe Public be allowed in the normal Big Brother house house with a tag? No. I don't think C4 would touch it, and the Probation Service would not be happy about the suggestion.

What else can the media leap upon on a slow news day? Ah yes, the internet. Specifically facebook. Firstly there's some bloke who has escaped (perhaps that should just be walked out) from an open prison who is 'taunting' the police on Facebook. He's a naughty man, but this is what happens when you have a judicial system like ours. I kind of admire his chutzpah.

That's it from me for a few days. Xmas activities mean blogging and intermong use will be virtually non-existent for the immediate period. Please allow me to wish you a non-sectarian, non-denominational, racially, gender and sexuality neutral winter public holiday period.

Please eat moderately, drink responsibly, engage in thirty minute's exercise every day over the period and keep celebrations to a minimum so as not to offend anyone who decides to worship (or not) their deity/god/sky pixie in a fashion different to you. Please wear safety equipment when engaging in mirth with Winter Public Holiday Period crackers and keep small items contained within away from young children. Please bear in mind it is winter, so if you are going outside, wrap up warm and watch your step on icy pavements, which would have been gritted by your local authority had they not had to spend the money on making sure your diversity was properly valued.

Indeed it is probably best if you just sit quietly with a drink of water in a shatterproof container, with a clean, dry cloth to hand in case of spillage, and some government pamphlets.