The One That Isn't Dead. . .

Having spent the weekend attending a wedding in Cornwall and getting soaked to the very marrow, I am now back in gloriously overcast Kent. No missive from me today, as having checked the old intermanet this morning I don't feel that I can contribute anything that will ever come close to this fantastic passage from Old Holborn.

I reproduce it here in an unedited and unabridged format, and not only tip my hat to OH, but put up the bunting, hire a marching band and find some elephants, dwarves and majorettes to join the parade.

Enjoy:

Dear Labour Voters

We meet at last. It’s been 11 years and you’ve enjoyed every moment, haven’t you?

You had fuck all but weren’t happy watching others get on, so you voted for the grinning slimeball who offered you something for nothing, didn’t you? Guess who got rich? You or him?

I digress. Let’s get back to you lot. All 9 million of you. How are things? Still smiling? You’ve had 11 years to make the best of it. So let’s look at what you have achieved. All 9 million of you.

Whilst you’ve been enjoying cheap credit, the rest of us have noticed that we don’t actually own our country anymore. Whilst you’ve been enjoying hot tubs, 4x4’s, gas fired BBQ’s, nail studios, the hairdressers and trying to keep up with the Beckhams, the Magna Carta has been torn to shreds and thrown away. Whilst little Tyson has been riding around on his Argos 27.9% APR financed BMX, 900 years of British History has been shat on.

Ever wondered why you don’t have a villa in Tuscany? Ever wondered why everyone else takes holidays in the Caribbean whilst you go to Menorca?

It’s because you are thick and lazy. And along came a Party that told you being thick and lazy was no good reason for you NOT to have what they had.

You stupid, stupid cunts. Guess where Tony Blair is now? Do you think he is drawing the curtains on his two bed terraced house, full with M&S trinkets, to hide from the postman? Like you are? Do you think he wakes at 5am, shitting it that the bailiffs will be there at 11 to take away his new Nissan?

Cut to the chase. You’re up to your fucking eyes in it. £20K, £30K on the plastic? Tax credits aren’t going to help pay that are they? Overtime’s going to be cut because there’s a recession coming. Oooppps. That’s what been paying the minimum due every month, isn’t it? Whilst you’ve been buying sovereign rings, Tag Heuers and Tescos Finest to impress your parents, the party that promised you a shot at being loaded without doing anything has fucked it all up. And guess who is going to pay?

I know your parents were hard up. I know you grew up with fuck all. I know your parents couldn’t give a shit about getting you through school properly. They were too busy wife swapping or down the bingo or social. I know you laughed at your teachers.

Guess what?

You’re FUCKED. Totally, properly FUCKED. You are going to lose your houses, cars, plasmas, koi carp and Nikes. Think your parents were hard up? Just fucking wait six months. You will KNOW what a diet of pasta and ketchup tastes like. No more Dominoes Pizza in front of the Simpsons on Sky, no more Tandooris. Get your fat, lazy arses in the kitchen and fucking cook something. Your kids will hate you as their PS3’s head over to Cash Converters, your wife will hate you as you trade in her Louis Vuitton handbag and you will hate yourself when you take a carrier bag out to the car to clear the glove compartment as the bailiff waits.

I hate all 9 million of you. I wish you all the plagues of hell. I want to see the four horsemen of the apocalypse in your Next furnished living room.

In your greedy, petty little pursuit of free “stuff” you allowed MY country, MY rights and MY life to be turned over by a bunch of fucking snake oil salesman.

I hope it costs you everything, you shites. I can handle 9 million suicides, and frankly with no major wars, there’s no other way we’ll get rid of you cunts.

Fuck off and die.