The One That Wants You To Confess. . .

Go on.

Leave a confession in the comments.

You're guilty of something. You must be. We all are.

There's so much to be guilty of.

Did you know that your local council can and will fine you for feeding the ducks?

A mother out feeding the ducks with her young son was given an on-the-spot fine by a park warden.

Vanessa Kelly was in Smethwick Hall Park, in Smethwick, West Midlands, when she was approached by the warden and given a £75 fine for littering.

Well, they can. Not exactly feeding the ducks, but for littering. The fact that the ducks eat your 'litter' before it hits the ground is neither here nor there.

Now, here's a telling line.

The warden then told Ms Kelly her son could continue to feed the ducks as he was too young to be fined.

So, it's only an offence if you're old enough to have money taken off you. Once you have cash, then you're fair game. You can afford to give bread to waterfowl, madam? Well we'll have to take some of your cash in that case.

Give me strength.

Sandwell Council defended the fine, saying Ms Kelly was not in a designated feeding area.

A what? A designated feeding area?

So not only did she litter, she didn't seek permission from her all powerful, wise and mighty local authority. How dare she? Who the hell does she think she is? You can't just go and feed ducks, not without consent (the ducks can't give consent), suppose she fed them something unsuitable? Suppose these ducks have a wheat intolerance? They'd spend the rest of the day being all grumpy. She should be arrested for animal cruelty. She must have been near water, (that much is certain, she wasn't in a designated feeding area, this is a council, by the way, so there's no way that a 'designated feeding area' is going to be anywhere near a pond, canal or river) and put her child in mortal danger. The council should take her child off her, for its own good.

Right let's see which self-important, righteous complete pissing fuck-nugget is stupid enough to demonstrate what a thoughtless, socially-retarded cuntwaft he is by defending this.

Councillor Mahboob Hussain, the council's member for neighbourhoods and housing. . .

Hello Councillor Manboobs! You sir are a self-important, righteous, pissing fuck-nugget and a thoughtless, socially-retarded cuntwaft.

. . . said there had been so many complaints about the feeding of pigeons and waterfowl, a designated area had been created for feeding them.

He added the council had done a lot of work to warn people the designated space should be used.

And these people don't work for free, and God knows we've got to get the money from somewhere, so this bint will do. My expense money doesn't grow on trees, you know.

Actually, I made that last bit up.

"This park has a major problem with Canada geese and people living nearby have made complaints about them," he said.

"They feel intimidated by the large numbers of geese.

It's winter. Geese come to the UK in winter. Whilst it is cold in the winter in the UK, it isn't as cold as it gets in the arctic circle in winter, which is where these birds live in the summer. They've migrated here since before Smethwick existed, I don't think some woman and her toddler are a big pull factor here.

"We are taking this problem seriously and we are acting upon these complaints."

A damn site more seriously than I can take you, Manboobs, that's for sure.

The penalty notice would be reduced to £50 if paid within 10 days, he added.

Oh well that's fine then. They take an eminently sensible law about littering, completely skew the spirit of that law, and then empower an unaccountable pseudo-plod to take £75 off someone for no reason than he can. But it's OK, cause they'll knock £25 off if you pay up like a good little prole.

Ms Kelly has not yet paid the fine and said she planned to contest it

Good for her. Although going to the press probably wasn't the best idea. My tack would be 'prove it'. Even if they've got it on CCTV, councils are notorious for not abiding by rules on disclosure, if that were the case, I'd be going for abuse of process and getting the judge to throw it out.