Hang on, hang on, wait for it, you know what's coming, don't you?
South Carolina State University experts analysed the fumes released by burning candles in lab tests.
They found paraffin wax candles gave off harmful fumes linked to lung cancer and asthma - but admitted it would take many years' use to risk health.
HOUSE! Yep, you knew that was what was going to happen.
Even with the disclaimer at the end, isn't it just the most feeble, over-blown bit of scaremongering?
Seriously, I know my taxes haven't been spent in this bucket of arse-water research, but was there a need for the BBC to stick this on the main page of their news site? Perhaps we could have had more analysis about some corrupt bloke with a daft hat and a beard winning an election or maybe even losing it to some other corrupt bloke with a daft hat and a beard? How about more opinion on the South African girl at the athletics who might be a bloke?
Here's an idea, just leave us the fuck alone rather than beating us up about anything that someone might enjoy doing, you sad, sad, joyless, grey little fucking wankstains.