There's one for you, nineteen for me. . .

I just love being told how much of my money some twat who I, and most other people, never voted for, will allow me to keep.

Happy budget day, people.

The One That Does Not Understand. . .

I know we're skint, I get that.

What I don't understand is why, even when times are good, tax on consumables goes up.

Why, every year, do we see the Chancellor stood at the despatch box saying 'petrol and diesel are going up 2p per litre, I'm putting 10p on a packet of fags, 5p on a pint of beer and 3p on a bottle of wine.'

Why? In what other area would this be acceptable? These products cost the government nothing, they have absolutely no involvement in the production of these goods. This is akin to standing outside Sainsbury and rifling through people's shopping bags as they leave the store. 'Stick of celery madam? That'll be 11p please. Oh dear, multi-packs of Andrex just went up today, you're going to have to give me 8p a roll, cough up. Is that a rolling pin? That's being taxed now, 4p, please. That'll go up another tuppence next year.'

'What if I don't pay?'

'I'll stamp on your foot.'

The woman would call the police, and I be nicked for demanding money with menaces. Rightly so.

Why on Earth does everyone just grumble and accept it? We know it all goes on buying them BBQ's, porn movies and paying their stamp duty. Where is the end of it? Will we see the Chancellor in 20 years standing up and saying '. . . duty on petrol will rise a further 3p to £21.37 a litre, on wine duty will rise 6p to £8.21 a bottle, so much as look at a cigarette and we'll take your house and violate your wife and kids.'?

Can anyone explain it?

The One That Fails To See Why They Don't Understand. . .

And so it continues. This morning it is Hoon up to his bollocks in shit, with a story about how he claimed expenses for his constituency home whilst living in a grace and favour flat and letting out his London home.

Hoon has defended the story by saying it was within the rules.

Look, you stupid bastard, if the rules said that I had carte blanche to piss through my neighbour's letterbox and run down the cats on my street in my car, it wouldn't make it right would it? If I did those things, it wouldn't make me any less of an arsehole.

What you, and all the other snout-troughing venal arseclowns have done may (or may not) be within the rules. If it is within the rules, it is still wrong. Saying it is within the rules and then being given the all clear doesn't make us think you are OK. We still think you are a corrupt fucker stealing money from us, acting like a wanker when you get all upset over scans of expenses being touted around the media makes you look even more stupid.

This whole story about the scans being touted for £300k is an interesting one. The way the politicians have acted has been shameful. I don't blame whoever it is who has these scans trying to make a few quid, after all £300k is about two years' expenses for an MP.

Are they complaining about this chap making some cash? If so, cut the ground out from underneath him, publish and be damned. No? Didn't think so. For all the protestations about leaks and theft and ethics, the fact of the matter is that there are 646 people who are desperate to prevent anyone getting any info on their expenses. We're all told it's to do with security. Yeah, right. Well, a bit, because every time these expenses are leaked, the MP concerned is worried about a mob descending on his/her home with pitchforks and flaming torches. These itemised expenses records should be a matter of public record, right from the off.

MPs are like the smart-arsed prick at school no-one could stand. Spotty, greasy, shabby, no friends and a little weed. Who then decides to make smart-arsed remarks to the year's hard-nut and then wonders why he gets a smack in the chops for it.

STOP STEALING OUR BLOODY MONEY, THEN WE MAY NOT TAKE SUCH A CLOSE INTEREST IN HOW YOU SPUNK IT AWAY.

The One That Demands They Shut The Hell Up. . .

Not content with taking money from your pockets and handing it over to charities in the form of your taxes (remember this is the cash that is taken from you under the threat of sending you to prison with all those nasty bin over-fillers and people who take photos in public spaces, if you don't pay up) the Treasury Select Committee has now demanded that more of our taxes be handed out to 'Charities' that lost millions in the Icelandic banking collapse.

All those collectors on the high street, taking your bank details, but not your cash. All those crises that desperately needed cash to urgently tackle the problem of X, all that money was taken and lodged into a bank as an investment.

And having paid out, either by choice or having it ripped from your pay-packet, the Treasury Select Committee wants you to pay again for the charities avarice and incompetence.

But not for the avarice and incompetence of the local authorities, who lost even more of our money, ripped from us and hoarded in Icelandic banks.

I think we can assume when the soup kitchens and doss houses spring up as we spiral to bankruptcy, they will be funded by these charities and not by the local authorities. How will that lump of bread and bowl of broth taste, knowing you've paid for it twice, and will get to eat it only if you pass the completely subjective assessment of a member of the Righteous?

If you've not been, go and have a look at Fake Charities.

The One That Wonders Why It Was There In The First Place. . .

I normally consider myself quite lucky to live in Kent. It is a very pleasant place with some lovely countryside, excellent produce, nice (and some not so nice) towns, and it is only a short hop out of this mess of a country. Admittedly France is your main option, but beggars can't be choosers.

How interesting to learn that Kent County Council are on the verge of waving goodbye to £50m that was invested in an Icelandic bank. Indeed there's a double whammy here, Canterbury City Council, the body responsible for running my city could also come out light, to the tune of £1m.

Let us set aside the fact that indicators have not been good regarding the Icelandic banks for a little while now. Let us set aside the fact that having lost millions of pounds of taxpayers' money that the local authorities are now crying to the government about this and want the same protection afforded to individual savers. Actually, no, let us not set that aside. You've lost £50m and then go and ask the government for more taxpayers' cash to cover the shortfall? Are you crazy?

I mean, really, you must be stark raving, batshit, howling at the moon, madder than a bag of cut snakes, mental. I'm a civil servant, although central rather than local government, if I were to cash up my wages and then chuck them in the back of a passing rubbish truck, would I expect the government to cough up again? No, of course not, because I'd been rather stupid and should had known better.

But anyhow, £50m, that's fifty fucking million quid, gone, more than likely. Gordie thinks that Iceland have acted illegally (I'm inclined to agree with him, but that's more to do with awful bloody adverts, THAT woman and awful rubbery frozen prawns) I'm not sure of the details. But even if they have, what are we going to do? Sue them? They're bloody broke, that's the whole point.

Hang on a second. . .

What the bloody hell was all that cash doing in saving accounts and investments anyway? I don't pay my taxes to have it hoarded away. I don't pay my taxes at all, I have large amounts of cash regularly and forcibly removed from me, in some cases it is intercepted before it even reaches my bank account. I resent having this money taken from me and spent on equality, diversity, climate change and 5-a-day advisors (£42,000 pa + car + pension, 37.5 hours per week) but at least it isn't taken off me and put in a bloody savings account.

Oh wait, it is!

So you're stealing my money for investment purposes? That isn't governance, its being a mugger with red braces and a really nasty, shiny suit.

You utter, utter, utter bastards. I hope all your children have small penises. . . especially the girls.