Come and eat at Wolfers' Steak and Seafood Restaurant. We're not the worst eatery in town, we will cook your food the way we think you should have it, not the way you want it, and only some of our customers have gone home with food poisoning. No, we don't give refunds.
If you saw that as an advert for a restaurant in the local paper, you'd probably take your signficant other to another place in town for that intimate meal, wouldn't you?
And yet this week we've seen the main parties engaging in advertising just like that. Labour are up in arms because Cameron's communication pixie may or may not have known about phone calls being hacked whilst he was editor of the NOTW.
This is the sort of thing those nasty Tories get up to, they point out, completely ignoring the fact that they wanted access to everyone's calls, texts, emails and browser history.
Real questions must be asked about Cameron's judgement in employing this man.
The LibDems have been furious, furious at the actions of Phil 'Custard pie' Woolarse who has now found himself shunted into the gravy train sidings, if not removed from the line completely. Why, I find myself asking, did they not suspend him from the party as soon as the story broke? If I were accused of an illegal act at work, I'd be suspended from the get go, not once the judicial system had had its say. Of course like the other disgraced Labour (former) MPs, he stamping his feet and whining, he'll fight it every inch of the way. The message is the same, they don't contest that what they did was wrong, they just believe that because they are who they are, they should escape any punishment for their acts. These people are important, dammit.
Serious questions must be asked about Miliband's judgement in appointing this man as shadow immigration minister whilst all this was going on.
But of course, the Lib Dems have form in this area. As Guido pointed out in 2006, Simon Hughes, who was so visible in the brooding tutting and shaking of head stakes when the verdict was announced during the week, is not beyond sticking the boot in when the referee's attention lies elsewhere when he feels like it as well.
The message from the big three? Vote for us, not because we've anything to say or offer, but because we're not as bad as the others.
If only there was a party where you could vote for a candidate who has never been involved in an expenses fiddle, has never twatted some bloke at a karaoke evening, has never told lies about an opponent, has never made snide insinuations about their sexuality, or never hacked into someone's answerphone.
Oh look, there is. There is a party that will give you something to vote for, rather than pointing out a bogeyman to vote against. And if you're lucky enough to be one of Phil Woolas' ex-constituents, you'll be able to vote for them soon.