Tuesday, 16 November 2010

And that's not all. . .

Let's see, what missiles are being thrown our way today?

People who are exposed to the second-hand smoke from others' cigarettes are at increased risk of hearing loss, experts believe.

Oh good, it is nice to see they believe in something. They probably decide they believe in Father Christmas around 23rd December. Where is this item of research from? Which august publication has this startling revelation?

The latest study in the journal Tobacco Control, involving more than 3,000 US adults, suggests the same is true of passive smoking.

Obviously no vested interest here then.

"Hearing loss can often be very frustrating and lead to social isolation, if not quickly addressed. 

Good, because I'm not bloody listening to you.

"Before you next light up a cigarette, consider how it could impact not only on your own long-term hearing but your friends' and relatives' too."

OK, will do. But not as much as I'll consider how it will impact your vision, when I stub it out on your cornea, you utter mong.

Meanwhile, over at Harvard. . .

Mothers who puff a pack a day or more while pregnant run a 30-percent higher risk of having kids who become criminal offenders, according to a study published Tuesday…

Well hang on, what about control groups? What about mothers who visit McDonalds throughout pregnancy? What about mothers who had a drink every day? What about mothers who wear odd coloured socks? What effect do they have? I think we should be told.

Elsewhere, Hugh Jarse of The Institute of Mythical Anthropology and Zoology said this:

'Passive smoking attracts goblins and imps to the house, and smoking when pregnant increases the chances of your newborn being replaced by a fairy changeling by up to a percentage I'm just about to make up. It also makes you very greedy. Dragons smoke all the time, and those selfish bastards are obsessed with gold. I am getting paid for this, aren't I?'

I made one of those studies up, I'll leave it up to you to guess which one.


Leg-iron said...

I see you've reached the same conclusion as me - it's all down to 'tobacco goblins'.

We're back to the old 'all diseases are caused by bad air' of the Middle Ages. All those bacteria and viruses, all those medicines, all that research... why did we bother?

Snowolf said...

Yep, I'm sending the form off to Companies House tomorrow, The Great Southern Plague Pit & Posey Co.

I'll make a killing.