Tuesday, 20 April 2010

The One That Is Wondering Who Will Be First . . .

How entertaining this volcano story is proving to be. I'll bet the politicians are furious, the cameras should be following them about. We should be seeing them knocking on doors, kissing babies (why the hell do they persist in doing that? If it were my baby, I'd be demanding to see their CRB check results and then screaming 'paedo' at the top of my voice when they didn't have it. Well, if it's good enough for us), and glad handing lines of employees who have all been warned to be on their best behaviour.

Traditional campaigning is an odd dance. The usual activities have no bearing on policy or performance, is anyone going to see Cameron spending ten minutes at a childrens' day care centre reading a story about a fluffy bunny and think 'he's the man for me, Tory all the way'?

Still, this is their time, how are we proles supposed to file obediently into the polling stations if we're not seeing them on TV every minute of every day? Instead what do we see on Sky News? Some bloke outside the terminal building in Calais explaining how there are long queues to check in as foot passengers. What a bloody cheek. They must be livid that something has come along and removed them from the lead story.

This volcano has been a blessed relief and the pictures it has spawned have been much more entertaining than the footage I'm currently watching of Brown stood in front of the production line at the mini plant in Oxford, gurning his way through some bollocks as he flashes his 'and now I'm going to eat you' smile.

What was also revealing was the footage from Barajas airport in Madrid as some poor local bloke was getting a huge amount grief from Brits about the lack of flights. It won't take long for this Dunkirk Spirit to disappear. The cries of something must be done are getting louder. During the war we had a steely resolve, now we've become pampered, entitled little children. There was some silly bat complaining that you've told us nothing, we don't know what's going on, look at my legs, they're all swollen.

A gammy leg? Well sit down then. What do you expect some twenty year old Spanish bloke to do about it? Look, I'll put it simply. Volcano go bang. Bang make ash. Ash go over Britain. Ash dangerous for aeroplanes. Aeroplanes stay on ground. Inspite of the fact that we're told our activities can change the climate of a whole planet, we are as yet unable to stop a volcano erupting. Perhaps some sort of carbon fibre and asbestos plug? You could put it in place with a fleet of helicopters. It wouldn't work, but it'd be a cracking show.

As people get more and more exasperated by the disruption the demands will increase for something to be done. I think back to the recent floods where those who had not taken out insurance were demanding to know who was going to cover their losses.

It's out of anyone's control. But it is election time. I'm wondering who the first party leader to start talking tough over this will be. I'm thinking it's going to be Brown. How long before vague calls for action from the Icelandic government start, how long before a demand for some sort of compensation issues forth from the opportunistic mouths?

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