Saturday, 24 April 2010

The One That Is Blah Blah Blah . . .

The idea of a hung parliament really is scaring Labour and the Tories now. So much so that Gordon Brown has decided to do something about it.

Gordon Brown will become a more visible presence and meet more ordinary voters as he seeks to "up the tempo" of Labour's general election campaign.

Yep. That'll do it. Get Gordon out more, that'll solve the problem once and for all, the Tories will waltz into a majority then.

Mr Brown will be prepared to meet more ordinary voters rather than party supporters, following the criticisms from rank-and-file members, Iain Watson says.

He will also take more questions and answers on Labour Party policy from undecided voters in various locations around country.

What? A party leader, speaking to the electorate? Instead of talking to their own party members? About policy? Well, that's all well and good, but I can see a problem with that, what if Joe Soap stands up and says something like 'That's all well and good Mr. Brown, but with the greatest respect I disagree with your policy and feel that I am most likely to vote for someone else'? How will the goons resist the urge to bundle him to the ground, stamp repeatedly on his head and dump his body in the canal whilst the spin doctors brief against the poor sod and decry him as a BNP supporter?

The Tories are going to do something about this as well. This can never happen again.

Meanwhile, the Conservatives are set to announce policies on electoral reform.

I've not gone into too much detail, but I believe that the Tories have cast their gaze over to Europe and have decided to follow the lead set in Switzerland by UEFA. Seats picked up from Labour will now count double.

Is that not it? Oh well, who cares?

Their policy would force a new prime minister without a mandate to hold a general election.

What? Like you've done since Brown took over?

He will also outline plans to select parliamentary candidates through postal primaries.

And that counts as reform does it? Give me strength.

Now, I'm no lover of the Lib Dems, but one thing this election campaign is demonstrating is the rotten system of first past the post. Sky News have been showing off their graphic design department's work this morning. Their poll of polls shows Labour and Lib Dem with an equal share of the vote and yet Labour being returned with more than a hundred seats over the Lib Dems. How that is an advert for democracy, I'll never know. I'd rather the Lib Dems didn't get anywhere near the levers of power, but if the population vote for them, I'll just have to accept it. To have a system which is so heavily weighted in favour of the Tories and Labour is a bloody disgrace, and this needs to change, preferably before the next general election.

Despite all this madness, there is an island of sanity and pure clarity. Suprisingly, it comes from the Mail. Unsurprisingly it comes from a bunch of children. A section of society that in my experience are the most adept at looking at bullshit and calling it just that. The whole article is a delight, the highlights are shamelessly stolen and reproduced here:

NIAMH: It’s a group of people who are all trying to be your friend.

SAM: I know their names and what their parties are called, but it’s hard to tell them apart because they all look quite alike.

JAMES HOPKINS: [. . .] I can see Gordon Brown being a good drummer. I can see him randomly banging drums with the faces of the other leaders on the front.

SAM: I just don’t know. I watched the programme (the debate) last night and I found it very hard to understand, because they all gave random answers to the same question. They only talked about what they think is interesting, which is quite rude really.

JAMES HOPKINS: I think they should have to do lie detector tests, like on the Jeremy Kyle show.

ABBY: I don’t know their names, but I do think it’s a bit strange that the politicians are taking their wives to work with them. My dad wouldn’t take my mum to work with him, and she wouldn’t want to go even if he asked her because she’s got her own job to do.

Certainly more incisive political commentators than I'll ever be.

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