Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Oh yeah? Or what?

It's a fatal four-way.


This super-injuction thing needs sorting. A statement of the bleeding obvious, perhaps.

What really needs sorting though is the question of libel tourism in the UK, and the question of the jurisdiction of the British courts.

To be honest, I couldn't give a pair of dingo's kidneys if some premier league footballer has been a premier league arsehole and has been putting it about while wifey has been at home looking after her collection of designer handbags (and probably screwing the gardner when hubby is away on a European trip) or whatever it is these nouveau-fops and their trophy air-head brides get up to when they're not spitting, screaming in the face of the referee or being generally disrespectful and objectionable to each other and the people that have paid through the nose to watch them.

However, this could be a good fight;

Legal proceedings are being taken by a professional footballer against Twitter for allegedly publishing information covered by a super-injunction.

As Anna Raccoon points out about DSK in the rape case, this is a class of people who are used to having everyone jump whenever they give the word, whatever that word may be. But when a footballer tries to take on Twitter, he's going to find he comes up against an organisation and a man who takes freedom of expression very seriously indeed.

Papers lodged in the High Court are against Twitter and "persons unknown". 

Twitter are a company who operate out of California, I wonder if they are going to capitulate in the face of documents from the British High Court? I reckon not.


The order requires Twitter to disclose the requested information within seven days - or within the appropriate time required by the law in California, where Twitter has its headquarters.

Lawyers at Schillings who represent CTB have issued a statement clarifying the action it has taken.


It said it was not suing Twitter but had made an application "to obtain limited information concerning the unlawful use of Twitter by a small number of individuals who may have breached a court order".

Yes, but breached a court order in the UK. Not California. Now, if CTB, whoever he may be, wants to invoke California law, he needs to be careful. As I understand it, the courts in California would look at this attempt via the High Court in a very dim light indeed, and any order to Twitter to release information would probably be contested in court in California by Twitter, who would be likely to make the reasonable argument that as a company operating in California, they are no more subject to the whims of the High Court in London than they are to a magistrate in Gambia. The courts in California would be highly unlikely to allow an application for this data to be filed under a protected, or false name. It would be very much a case of Clogger O'Toole of 27 Footballer Street, being named by the court as the applicant.

Wikipedia is not so coy as the British media and names who they believe is the person in question and goes on to quote the Streisand effect. While the media in Britain can be gagged in Britain, you can't gag the internet, a; because it just isn't possible, it would be like trying to nail mercury to the floor, and b; sooner or later a foreign media outlet is going to tell the High Court that they have no jurisdiction outside these islands and no sanction.

Twitter has helped bring down governments that have held on to power for decades in the space of a fortnight, a premiership footballer who can't keep his pants on is no challenge at all.

As for the High Court, they too are used to people acting on their every word. I wonder how they will react when another Court in another country turns around and says 'Hey, buddy, my jurisdiction, back in your box, please'?

Friday, 6 May 2011

Be afraid, be very afraid. Oh, and give us some money.

This isn't about last night's election results (with more to come), I'm not scared about the gains Labour have made, I just think it is funny that people persist in shuffling between Labour and the Conservatives in the hope that just for once, they don't make an absolute horlicks of it. For the last 90 years they've been taking it in turns and every time each turn taker has covered themselves in shite. Quite why anyone expects them to be different now is a mystery to me.

Nor am I scared with the SNP apparently sweeping the board clean in Scotland. That's a matter for them, the fact that the SNP are madder than Mad Jock McMad, winner of Scotland's maddest man competition, is of no consequence to me. I don't understand how you can bang a drum screaming 'freedom' like a demented Mel Gibson wannabe, whilst being the most authoritarian party on the block and promoting independence from the horrible, horrible English, only to jump under the direct control of Brussels. That isn't protecting Scottish culture or national character, it is a wilful attack on the proud history of Scotland. But hey, what do I care? I live in Kent, it's your country, Jimmy.

No, we need to be scared because. . .

Coffee, sex and blowing your nose could increase the risk of a type of stroke

So any hay-fever sufferer with a new girlfriend and a love of Starbucks has a life expectancy of about 10 minutes I'd say.

They all increase blood pressure which could result in blood vessels bursting, according to research published in the journal Stroke.

Going for a brisk walk increases the blood pressure. Reading about fines for littering payable by people who haven't actually done the littering raises the blood pressure, reading press releases about shagging being bad for you raises the blood pressure. Should action not be taken against them?

The Stroke Association said more research was needed to see if the triggers caused the rupture.

I'll translate that for you:

The Stroke Association said more cash was needed to see if they could think anything else up.

Nanny Beeb has helpfully published a list of activities that can lead to burst aneurysms:

  • Coffee 10.6%
  • Vigorous exercise 7.9%
  • Nose blowing 5.4%
  • Sex 4.3%
  • Straining to defecate 3.6%
  • Drinking cola 3.5%
  • Being startled 2.7%
  • Being angry 1.3%
Straining to defecate? That's one of life great pleasures, I use disabled toilets specially when I want a good strain, it's nice to have all those handles to grab hold of. I think that's a coded call to ban Guinness.

We really are through the looking glass here. I think I'm going to start a project to colonise Mars, I can see no future on this planet.

Wednesday, 9 September 2009

The One That Knows What's Next. . .

I forget who it was that said Puritanism was the feeling that someone, somewhere might be having fun.

Fun is bad for our health. That is why smoking has been all but banned everywhere. That is why, with the job pretty much done, that focus has now been shifted to drinking. That's bad for our health too.

These things are being banned under the suggestion they are bad for us, but really it is because they are fun. To crush our spirit in a grey and grinding distopia, there must be no fun.

What else do Purtians hate? What else is fun? What else can be banned under the guise of being for the good of our health?

Couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health and
relationship, say experts.


Ahh yes, that'll do it.

The next round of heated shot is sat in the fire waiting for the muzzle.