Schnell! Kerzen kaufen!

So, the Euro, then. Those on the fringes are starting to drop like flies, this increases the strain on the bigger member states who are going to have to paddle like stink to prevent the ship from going under.

Not since the 1950's has German industry been so important, and not just to Germany now, who are going to have to ensure they have the financial clout to prop the currency up, but also to the others who are relying on that clout to ensure they don't end up eating out of dustbins.

Thankfully, German industry is one of the most efficient industrial programmes in the world, a real powerhouse, the envy of the rest of Europe.

Obviously, doing anything to damage that industry would be madness.

Wouldn't it?

Well, the German government has announced it is embarking on the biggest programme of industrial sabotage the world has ever seen.

Germany's coalition government has announced a reversal of policy that will see all the country's nuclear power plants phased out by 2022.

Riiiiiiiight.

There have been mass anti-nuclear protests across Germany in the wake of March's Fukushima crisis, triggered by an earthquake and tsunami.

Which is kinda like the residents of a small town in the middle of Australia hitting the streets in panic about a flood in Cumbria. Earthquakes and tsunamis just aren't going to happen in Germany. But never mind, why let something simple like that get in the way of a good panic?

Mr Rottgen said the seven oldest reactors - which were taken offline for a safety review immediately after the Japanese crisis - would never be used again. An eighth plant - the Kruemmel facility in northern Germany, which was already offline and has been plagued by technical problems, would also be shut down for good.

Six others would go offline by 2021 at the latest and the three newest by 2022, he said.

Of course, by doing this, Germany has ensured that it is immune from any nuclear issues at all, should something happen in France (which is almost entirely reliant on nuclear power, sensible Froggies) any fall out will stop at the border. The town of Saarbrucken will be unaffected.

There's still a way to extract guilt money though, still a means to demand the tithe to the Great Green God.

Mr Rottgen said a tax on spent fuel rods, expected to raise 2.3bn euros (£1.9bn) a year from this year, would remain despite the shutdown.

So, you're going to continue taxing an industry which will have no means of generating any income? Thereby costing the private investors and pension funds millions, at a time when you've got no cash.

Smart.

But how will they power their industry? The greens in the German coalition are going to be a bit sniffy about coal and gas fired stations, aren't they?

"The various studies from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. . ."

Oh, this is going to be good.

". . . show that renewables could deliver, basically, global electricity by 2050," he said.


"Germany is going to be ahead of the game on that and it is going to make a lot of money, so the message to Germany's industrial competitors is that you can base your energy policy not on nuclear, not on coal, but on renewables."

Making a lot of money? This is the same renewable energy industry that sucks up public money like an industrial pump and then pisses it all up the wall? That renewable industry?

A tip; if you want a BMW, Mercedes or VW car, make sure you buy one in the next ten years, because they'll not be making them in Germany before long.

Sell Euros, the currency is screwed after this, take the money and invest it in German candle sellers. They'll make a bomb.

Rest in peace.

The Republic of Ireland, which died today.

Born in 1921 after a difficult pregnancy, the Republic of Ireland quickly became popular around the world. Famous for her literature, music, gastronomy and friendly nature, she was especially well regarded in the United States of America, New Zealand, Australia and Canada where her unofficial birthday of March 17th was celebrated with gusto.

She was a fine sporting competititor as well as a participant in the field of culture, and her output in sports and the arts belied her resources and standing in the world.

Her early and middle years were marked by an uneasy, some would say, abusive relationship with her church. It was a testament to her strength of spirit and courage that she was able to assert her own rights and beliefs whilst maintaining a close relationship with the church that had harmed her.

Relations with her half sister, Ulster, were more troubled. Regular bickering had almost escalated into full scale violence on a number of occasions, as both sisters dragged old indiscretions and arguments to the fore in a manner which gave friends and family great cause for pain. Thankfully, towards the end of her life, relations between the half sisters, who shared a common mother, were better than they had been for longer than anyone could remember.

In 1973, she married infamous bigamist, European Union. At first the union was very fruitful, especially for Ireland, and she blossomed, becoming one of the most successful wives in the household. However, following the taking of a dozen new wives by European Union in the early part of the century, Ireland found that she was no longer the youngest, prettiest wife and the relationship started to suffer. In 2008 it appeared that the relationship had broken down, however Ireland reconsidered divorce, admittedly under pressure from her husband, in 2009.

Her last days were marred by financial problems of the sort which sadly also marked the demise of fellow wife Hellas. She died in her sleep last night, just shy of her 80th birthday. She is survived by 4.4 million children, and will be missed greatly by countless millions more around the globe.

The funeral will be a private affair. Please, no flowers.

Ooooooooooh, scary.

A few people have touched on the Channel 4 documentary last night 'Britain's Trillion Pound Horror Story'.

For many, (and if you haven't watched it, the above link is to the 4OD showing, aren't I nice?) the revelations will come as a big shock. No shock here. Although I was surprised to see that the government of the 'liberal', 'democratic', 'free market' United Kingdom actually controls more of its domestic economy than their counterparts in PR China.

It is all over, the only question is do you have the cojones to rip the plaster off, or will you let the wound fester under the infected dressing?

The only person who can make that decision is you. I'll give you a hint; next time you are asked, if you vote Conservative, Lib Dem, Labour, Green, BNP, SNP, Plaid Cymru, Sinn Fein, Ulster Unionist or pretty much anyone else, you'll be laying out the welcome mat for gangrene.

There is an alternative, but if you won't be brave, why should anyone else?

Actually, forget it. Sell your kids into penury, bankrupt your childrens' children. Who cares, eh? X-Factor is on tomorrow night, that's much more important.

The One That's Doing A Joyful Little Dance . . .

Well. Didn't see that coming, I never expected people in Parkhead to vote for a candidate named Mason, but there you go.

Let's forget the farce of Labour's selection of their candidate.
Let's forget that 13,000 votes have been wiped off their balance sheet.
Let's forget that Glasgow East is (or rather was) the 3rd safest Labour seat in Scotland.

What are the real reasons behind the demise? Could it be that in East Glasgow we have one of the most deprived areas in the country? A shocking life-expectancy figure, awful education records and an unemployment rate that would scandalise a Rio favella, nothing has changed in this area since New Labour rode to power in '97, their core constituency have been sold down the river, and the voters have finally woken up to this fact.

So just local problems then?

No. Not a bit of it. In 1997 I was 21, Brit-Pop, Cool Britannia, hip young Tony sticking it to the man for the kids. I was the generation that New Labour reached out to, I didn't buy it by the way, I was in Falmouth at the time and voted Mebyon Kernow in disgust at the whole bloody shower. Eleven years later, I'm looking for a way out of a country that has nothing to offer me and will not allow me to perform to my strengths.

I think everybody has been let down by New Labour, after so many years in the wilderness the party sold its soul to the devil just to get back into power and now they are paying for it with their dearest blood as their natural supporters desert them in droves. It is almost tragic, I never supported 'Old' Labour, but at least they had conviction, a message that reached out to a sizeable portion of the country, now they have nothing beyond bankruptcy, deceit and empty promises.

Is there a way back for Labour? I don't think so. If the party aren't totally finished, it will certainly take years and years for them to return as a credible force again. The problem is that not only have they divorced themselves from their traditional power base, they've destroyed all the individuals within the party that were able to connect with that traditional base.

Take the late heavyweights, Mowlam, Dewar and Cook. Yes, all flawed, but all with that 'X factor' that made it possible to connect with voters, all capable of winning elections, all banished to the fringes and frozen out. Wherefore now their replacements?

Brown is done, he's a busted flush before the game's really got going for him, he's the sub that comes on and then gets subbed off when the 'keeper is sent off. He'll dig his heels in, but there's no future there and everyone in the party knows it. Who takes over that can turn it around? Minibrain? Harperson? The Straw Man? Balls Up? No chance. Charlie Clarke? Blunkett? Reid? Reputations in tatters. There is no-one there to rescue this party, it will make the Foot/Kinnock years look like a golden era.

If Brown does fall on his sword, or is thrown out despite Labour's labyrinthine electoral process, they must go to the polls, surely not even Labour have the gall to have three leaders in one parliament, have they?

This obit may seem quite sad, but I'm making no value judgements here, this is merely an observation. One thing's for sure, the next election will be really close. For second place between Labour and the Lib Dems.

Additional
Al-Beeb show how wrong they can be when they really put their mind to it:

Of course, by-elections are not the same as general elections. Voters do feel they have a greater freedom to register a protest vote when they are choosing one MP rather than their next government.

Idiots. You always only ever vote for one MP, not a government. And what the hell does 'greater freedom' mean?