The One That Is Saying 'You Want To Do WHAT!?!?'. . .

Private security firms employ staff to guard buildings and manage entry into nightclubs.

Under the new scheme bouncers and security staff will have the authority to stop cars for checking and issue fines and penalty notices.

Hang on, I'll read that again. . .

No. I wasn't wrong, it did actually say that bouncers will have the authority to stop cars for checking (checking for what? Bald tyres? Red diesel? Drunk drivers? Guns in the boot?) and issue fines and penalty notices.

It's ok though because:

The Home Office says those using the powers have been vetted and trained.

This is the same Home Office who employed illegal immigrants to work for their own security teams.

And:

The powers are granted by chief constables, and those who are accredited must undergo vetting and training and wear badges and uniforms approved by their local police force.

That makes me feel a whole lot better, a private company in the shape of ACPO will give other private companies uniforms and badges which will allow them to declare us offenders and fine us money.

That's private companies. Corporatism was one of the first steps Hitler took in his little adventure in the 30's. Get the big businessmen addicted with an unelected vested interest in government, and watch the opposition melt away, starved of funds and exposure.

I've always felt we've attracted a number of the tin foil hat brigade, I just can't work out if I'm becoming one of them, or if what they've been saying all this time has more credibility than I'd, well, given them credit for.

Doesn't matter, because it will all be fair and above board, nothing could go wrong, could it?

Parking enforcement officers face "humiliation" if they fail to meet their targets for issuing parking fines, their unions have claimed.

Parking attendants have told the BBC this means some tickets are issued when there is no real justification.

Ah.

So who runs these parking enforcement officers?

Are they in the main local council employees, or are they subcontracted to firms like Serco and Crapita?

Just asking.

One said that every day he was forced to issue tickets that his management knew would be overturned.

"They don't care if they will be appealed, they just want the numbers," he said.

"The bosses tell you to issue tickets even when they know there is a fault in signage.

"Drivers are unjustly battered with tickets and if we don't do it we lose our jobs."

But it is all above board.

"If you hit or exceed the targets you get favours, swapping shifts, and most importantly, if you hit the targets you get overtime.

"People get fired for not reaching their targets."

So obviously there's no incentive to stick tickets on cars willy-nilly. That's fine.

But the British Parking Association (BPA) which represents companies who employ parking attendants said it was against ticket-targeting and was making efforts to combat the practice.

A spokesman said: "The BPA considers ticket target-setting totally unacceptable, and as a member organisation we strive to make sure that parking control is about improving the streets, and not making money."

That's fine then, if anything goes wrong the BPA will sort it out! We can all relax then. Nothing to see here, move on.

No really, move along, or that shaved gorilla wearing a ridiculous bow-tie will ticket you for loitering and then punch you so hard in the kidneys that you'll be pissing blood for a week.

And I would just like to point out that if you see any connection between the two stories above, then it marks you out as a nazi-racist-bigot, and probably a paedophile as well. So keep your mouth shut, prole.