The One That Has Spotted A Flaw. . .

The first bit of fuckwittery under our new new politics new coalition new government new.

Exchange offices in the UK have stopped selling 500 euro banknotes because of their use by money launderers.

Oh, oh this will be good. Who has demanded this?

The Serious Organised Crime Agency says 90% of the notes sold in the UK are in the hands of organised crime.

Hooray! It's SOCA. One of Labour's crowning glories. It's also the BBC, let's see how long it takes for them to talk down to us. . .

. . . ah, here it is.

There has been mounting international concern over the note, which is worth more than £400, and its use by criminals or tax evaders.

€500 is worth more than £400. Did you know that, prole? Did you? Thank God they are there to tell us this important stuff.

The move means nobody will be able to buy the note in the UK - but travellers will be able to sell them if they enter the UK carrying them from abroad.

Oh that's nice. So you'll still be able to bring the item of perfectly legal tender across most of Europe into the country. For now. How long until someone with a €500 bill gets nicked under sus of being an organised criminal?

Hang on, I've spotted a flaw here. Won't these criminals just use smaller notes? And won't it be a pain the arse for everyone? If Spain sneezes then you'll need a €500 note just to buy a $10 bill.

Why stop there? I'll bet organised criminals will use £50 notes. Ban them. Actually to be on the safe side, better ban the sale of all money. And mobile phones, they use them too. And cars. I'm sure the last person I saw in court accused of being an organised criminal was wearing shoes and trousers. They'll have to be banned too.

Election season is over, normal service has been resumed.

The One That Does Not Have An Opinion On Halal Meat. . .

I've tried to remain quite neutral about the BNP, I've made it perfectly clear that I don't support them, but I try to avoid repsonding to the bogeyman dogwhistle.

One of the advantages of having BNP MEPs is that the media will have to broadcast what they have to say. This is a good thing, because by giving these people a platform they will reveal themselves to be the loons they are.

It hasn't taken long to get started, I've just seen a montage of Andrew Brons, the BNP MEP who isn't Nick Griffin, burbling away on Sky News. Admittedly it was a montage, so the edit wasn't particularly sympathetic, but that doesn't alter what he said.

Predictably he wittered on about there being too many mosques. Yawn. Next. It was that next which made me sit up and take notice, he said that Halal meat wasn't to his taste and that it should be banned.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhtttttt.

OK.

I'm glad he thought it was so important as to raise it on his first day in the job, I must be lacking, because I've never given the subject any thought.

You see, stifle them, and they become interesting. Let them speak and people will edge away from them, whistling and looking as if they've spotted something interesting in the middle-distance.

The One That Wants You To Pay Attention. . .

Look, Jacqui Smith quite clearly said that the recession would not lead to an increase in crime, so if you are the sort of person to associate an increase in crime with the economic downturn, you are clearly a nazi, racist, homphobic paedophile. Got it?

The One That Is Looking For Pitchforks And Flaming Torches. . .

This story has already been touched on at the LPUK Blog.

Of course there's no dumbing down in the UK. They just don't want to confuse the plebs. (Oh, hang on, that might be Latin.)

I'm not normally driven to feelings of violence, but things like this have me looking for flaming torches, pitch forks and other items of an agricultural bent. (Ah, I think agricultural might have a Latin root.)

I see the spokesperson for Bournemouth Council has remained anon. (Ooops. I think that might be Latin as well. It's not easy, is it?), good job too, I'd be keeping a low profile if I'd driven people to the edge of homicide. (Bollocks, I've done it again!)

The One That Thinks It Should Be Left Where It Is. . .

Artist Sarah Maple is causing a bit of a stir with her exhibition being displayed at Rolling Stones' Ronnie Wood's gallery 'Scream'. The artist is of mixed religious heritage and apparently juxtaposes her Western Christian side with her Asian Muslim side. One of the images in her exhibition is a picture of her in traditional Muslim garb and cradling a piglet.

The professional theist-offendees are out in force.

Already, Mokhtar Badri, the vice-president of the Muslim Association of Britain, tells Mandrake that his organisation plans to visit the SaLon Gallery, in Notting Hill, west London, to demand that it remove Maple’s painting when it exhibits it next week.

Well, excuse me, who the hell are you to make such demands?

Oh it offends you does it?

Well, how about I pop around your Mosque (and I'm not singling you out due to your Islamic faith, I'll quite happily attend every Church and Synagogue in the area) and demand that you stop preaching your brand of intolerance, hatred, bigotry and misery spreading? Because I can assure you that I find it offensive in the extreme.

But you wouldn't stop spreading it, would you? No. Thought not.

What is it about these religious types that makes them think they must not be offended and they have carte-blanche to make demands and outrageous accusations whenever the mood takes them.

I find religious dogma and indoctrination offensive, therefore I stay away from venues that I know will expose me to this. If you find this artwork offensive, stay away. Don't make the argument that its very existence is offensive, as I could say the same about you. Rather than just making death threats, I'll ignore you for the irrelevance you are, try doing the same about this artist.

One thing I will add, if I were God and saw the hate and misery peddled by man in my name, I'd be going really old (testament) school and getting my smiting trousers on. . .

The One That Fancies A Kick-About . . .

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS A LINK TO VIDEO FOOTAGE SHOWING CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE, ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR AND YOUNG CHILDREN JUMPING AROUND, AND SHIT.


Al-Beeb reports that Children in a Nottinghamshite town will be fined £100 for playing football on the street. Watch the video on the article, we're talking kids here, not gangs of hairy arsed teenagers.

LOOK! Look at those girls, they're playing with a skipping rope! In the street! I bet the residents of the street (and I'm assuming that the majority of these kids are also residents, I doubt they get bussed in) are quaking in their boots, they could be terrorists or anything.

According to the reporter, some residents feel threatened by kids playing on the street.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Do these same people hide under the table during thunderstorms and call the police if they're watching TV and a scary bit comes on? What we have here is one miserable bastard who can't stand people being young and doing what kids do best and so he's complained. The council will of course act and infer that this detestable old cock-knocker represents the majority view.

What a crock of shit.

The usual platitudes are wheeled out by the council, they are not killjoys apparently, £100 fines would only be levied if children were playing 'inappropriately'. Now who decides what is appropriate? How the hell do you judge that? Fear not, there'll be some grey little arsehole, or even better, a committee, who will draw up a sliding scale of play related high-jinks and they'll send their inspector around to watch these kids playing. Behaviour that would get you or me arrested.

How do you fine a child £100 anyhow? Take it out of his pocket money for the next 10 years? I can confidently predict the course of this story; a nine year old girl will be arrested for criminal damage after chalking a hopscotch grid on the pavement, and all the games will be stopped because they aren't wearing hi-viz jackets, safety goggles and hardhats.

This flies right in the face of government policy about getting kids out to play. But of course that flies in the face of government policy of selling off playing fields and open public spaces at every available opportunity. Yes they want kids to go out and play, but they want it to be done in a structured fashion.

Welcome to 21st Century Britain, a country where the government even want to control what, and how, your children play.

The One That Thinks It's All Arse About Face. . .

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine on Sunday morning. Her 14 year old daughter was recently attacked by a gang of 12 girls in Ashford, Kent. Now, I've never considered Ashford (the town where I grew up) to be a particularly bad town, it has one estate of local bad repute, but it certainly isn't Fallujah.

The disturbing thing, beyond the obvious, is this; two of the girls in the gang were classmates of the unfortunate young lady. As far as I can gather even though the ringleader and other members of the gang, including these two girls, have been identified, the school has declined to take any real action as the incident happened out of school.

Now, dear reader, if you set about a colleague outside of the work-place you would expect to lose your job as a result.

Another friend of mine, who works as a foster carer, recounted an incident involving one of her charges. This time there was an assault in the classroom by a young man on the girl in her care that involved her being punched in the stomach and the face. The school in question requested she attend the campus and take her foster daughter home as a result.

'Have you called the Police?' she quite reasonably asked.
'No.' came the reply. 'We would only summon the Police in the event of a serious incident.'
'She has been assaulted. If I were to do the same to you, now, would you call the Police?'
'Well, yes.'
'So what's the difference?'
'Well, we're adults.'

Now, there's a difference between a scrap in the playground (although a scrap in the pub car-park would probably attract the attention of the local constabulary) and a focused assault in a classroom. To say that the Police are not needed suggests that a child has less right to protection against assault than an adult. Or worse, children have a right to assault other people, a right that adults do not have.

Of course the foster mother reported the incident to the Police, who said they preferred not to get involved with incidents such as this. Yeah, I fucking bet you don't. Any other areas of law enforcement you don't feel like getting involved with? Arson? Murder perhaps? What about detection and solving of crimes? Too much for you? Perhaps you'd be better off attending another diversity workshop.

The thing is, we'll criminalise someone for dropping a fag butt on the ground, but actually get a proper crime with like, a real victim, and they'll run a mile. The message sent out is two-fold, to the wrong-'uns it says 'Do what you want, you have carte-blanche, neither the educational nor judicial authorities will take any action.' To those that act as responsible, pleasant human beings it is 'Forget it. You are sooooooooo fucked. Oh, is that an apple core you just put in that bush? Tut tut, see you in court.'

Is it any wonder that kids are taking to carrying knives? No-one is going to defend them, so they might as well do it themsevles.

Then we have the case of Sarika Watkins-Singh, the Sikh girl who was suspended from school for wearing a bangle as a sign of her faith. This, apparently, contravened the school's no jewellery uniform policy. She won, thankfully. What a ridiculous state of affairs. What is a 14 year old girl doing in the High Court defending her right to express her faith? Is a bangle really that important to the school?

No, the only reason this went all this way is because this young girl didn't shut the fuck up, sit down and do as she was told. Who the hell does she think she is? How dare she challenge these totally arbitrary rules set down on a whim. The only winners were the lawyers, the whole lot would have paid for by public funds. That's our money, by the way.

So we have one girl, excluded from school for wearing a bracelet* that you wouldn't even notice unless you looked for it, whilst no action is taken against those who violently assault their classmates. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?


*I understand that the bracelet shouldn't have been classed as jewellery anyhow. The school apparently only kicked up a fuss about it when the girl's parents complained of racist bullying. Obviously it was her fault for drawing attention to herself by wearing it. That's a great bullying policy isn't it?

The One That Isn't In The Least Bit Surprised. . .

So insurance fraudsters and crap illusionists the Darwins have been sent down.

Serves them right, silly buggers.

John Darwin apparently wanted to be a millionairre by the time he retired, he went about this by going into snail breeding, his family claim that he was obsessed with materialistic. . . hang on. . .

Snail breeding?

Please explain, when embarking on a fool proof excercise like snail breeding, how he managed to run up such large debts? With such a good idea, and exellent planning, how on Earth were they rumbled?

A tip of the hat to one who is surely a financial and criminal mastermind.




Bloody snail breeding?

The One That Knew It Wasn't Just About Brown People. . .

Now, it isn't exactly 42 days, but it is a bloody good indicator, Al-Beeb (Kent Commissariat) are running this story tonight:

A police officer has been transferred from duties at a Channel crossing after a disabled child and his parents were detained under the Terrorism Act.

Julie Maynard, of Ware, Hertfordshire, was taking a day trip to Calais through the Channel Tunnel in Folkestone, Kent.

The detective constable accused Ms Maynard and her husband Leslie Coombs of trafficking her son Joshua, 12.

Now, I know a thing or two about child trafficking, and there are ways of broaching the subject and ways not to. This was a way not to.

Even if they were guilty of child trafficking, why in the name of fuckety-fucking-fuck was an arrest made under the terrorism act?

Still, it is good to see Kent Police taking some positive action, I just hope the DC is thoroughly ashamed of herself.

Watch yourself, just look the wrong way at the wrong copper (and no, not all of them, not even most of them) and it'll be 9 hours in the box for you. Very poor, this is not the action expected of what used be the most reputable police force (and not bloody service) in the world.

The One That Loves And Hates Things Like This. . .

I'll tell you a little story.

I work for a government department, which is fun.

Actually, that's a lie, it is miserable. A situation I am currently trying to address. Anyhow, just about a year ago, my team moved from a scruffy but much loved office in Dover, to a spanking new purpose built building in Folkestone. Of course it isn't as nice as the place we used to work at in Dover.

This new building has had a few problems, snagging it is called. There's been quite a list. One of the more controversial and ongoing ones has been the subject of proximity passes granting access to the building. For some reason these passes were only set up to work for one year and have now usefully expired, across the board. We were initially told that new passes would be made, at a cost to you the taxpayer of, well, God knows how much, but you can bet that because we are a government department a normal quote is taken and then trebled.

These new passes will be with us in a number of weeks.

In the short-term the plan for the existing passes is that they will be re-enabled until the new ones arrive. Yes, yes, I know, if the existing passes can be re-enabled, then why do we need new ones at all? The answer is probably something like 'someone has decided we need new passes, probably a committee, and that decision can't be reversed unless there's another committee and probably a focus group and a project team working to a delivery manager.'

Here's the real little gem, so skilfully hidden in this steaming pile of shite, an email was sat in my inbox this morning from one of the team (a fairly senior manager) that is in charge of the 'facilities managment'.* It spoke in vaguely confident fashion about how this problem is being sorted and that all will be well. One line in particular made me laugh out loud:

'I have been assured that this work is still underway and personnel should now shortly evidence resolution.'

What? I recognise the words, they are all good words, used in everyday English, but this is a combination of such that has hitherto been unknown to me. Evidence resolution? Oh, I see, you mean it'll be working again soon?

What a great representation of the civil service; not set-up properly, stops working, ridiculous plan to fix it, still not working, talk bollocks about it in the hope no-one asks any questions.

Don't worry, your taxes are being well spent.

* formerly 'accommodation team', then 'estate management', and will probably next week be called 'work place environmental management and resource best practice facilitation unit'. We do love a name change in the civil service.

The One That Is Saying 'Oh Really? You Surprise Me.' . . .

Once again from Al-Beeb:

Almost a fifth of MPs have suffered mental health problems at some time, a survey suggests.

Nooo! You don't say!

Collection of inmates from the Tesco Beacon Westminster Home No. 10 For The Bewildered.

Who'd have thought it? And 86% of MPs think their job is stressful. Yeah, must be a real bind swiping all the expenses and worrying that the press will find out you don't deserve a single bloody penny of them. You'll be feeling the stress by May 2010 when you realise your majority is nowhere near as secure as you thought it was.

And yet despite all the madness and stress, people are still so desperate to climb aboard the gravy train they'll do almost anything to get votes as reported on Order-Order, Labour election candidate for Glasgae East, Margaret Curran publicised herself sitting with a youthful looking 93 year old Desert Rat showing off his campaign medals. The problem? He was actually a 67 year old Labour campaigner showing off his MBE.

Read the whole article here.

You cannot trust a word these bastards say, if an MP told me that the sky was blue and the sea was wet, I'd go out and check for myself.

The One That Wants To Know Where They'll Put Them All. . .

Another shot fired in the 'war' on 'knife crime'. I have neither the energy nor the desire to recover points that have been covered ad-nauseum in the blogosphere over the last few days.

However this caught my eye:

More than 110,000 "problem families" with disruptive youngsters will be targeted as part of a crackdown on knife crime, Gordon Brown has said.

They will get parenting supervision, with the worst 20,000 families facing eviction if they do not respond.

The worst 20,000 families? Jesus H Fucking Christ on a dirty great big bike (sold with bell attached as per incredibly important legislation) without a crash helmet and hi-vis vest.

Let us assume a little cynically that the 20,000 families are made up of mother and two kids. That's 60,000 people, I've landed in towns with Ryanair that don't have that sort of population. Where the bloody hell will we stick 'em all? Evict them to where? Are they to be thrown out on the street? How will the old bill escort the little cherubs home when they're found breaking curfew if they have no home to go to? No address will mean no benefits. They'll probably take to liberating money off passers-by by waving knives under their noses.

I'm betting that the ECHR puts obstacles in the way of eviction that a Royal Marine PT instructor would baulk at.

Surely this isn't just a ploy by Gordon the Goldfish to be seen to be doing something?

Is it?

The One That Is . . . . . . . . speechless. . .

Where to start? What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on?

Firstly Gordon the Goldfish told Cameron in the house last month that if he looks at the new vehicle excise duty plans that:

'. . .he will see that the majority of drivers will benefit from it.'

Now this morning we hear that the Treasury's own figures show that 9 million motorists will be worse off as a result.





NINE FUCKING MILLION.




I don't have the car ownership stats, although I could probably find them if I had the inclination, however I willing to bet that nine million shaftees doesn't constitute a minority of car owners.

That's nine million people being kicked squarely in the bollocks when he expressly told us that the majority of us would benefit. But that's not all, those who will be hit worse by this pernicious, hostile and retrospective tax will be those with older cars. Who owns these cars? The poor, the elderly, single parents, the disabled. Well done Gordon, well done indeed. The opposition parties couldn't even dream this own goal up, you really have taken political suicide to a new level.

So we have two conclusions to draw from this;
Firstly, you knowingly and deliberately misled the house when you told Cameron that. Therefore you should be held to account for this and removed from office immediately. Secondly, you are so amazingly incompetent and pig-shit thick that you cannot be trusted to run a bath, let alone a country, and should be removed from office immediately.

I've asked before, how does us giving you all our money equate to 'saving the environment'? It doesn't it is taking money under false pretence. This is called fraud.

I quote this lyric from 'Take A Bow' by Muse, one of my favourite popular beat ensembles:

Corrupt
You're corrupt
Bring corruption to all that you touch
Hold
You behold
And beholden for all that you've done
And spin
Cast a spell
Cast a spell on the country you run
And risk
You will risk
You will risk all their lives and their souls

And burn
You will burn
You will burn in hell, yeah you'll burn in hell
You'll burn in hell
Yeah you'll burn in hell
For your sins

And then, AND THEN, you tell the New Statesman that you're just like Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights! You want to be compared to one of the most dysfunctional characters in English literature? A violent, spousal abuser, probably guilty of murder with a penchant for digging up dead bodies.

Well, at least he's honest about something.

As an aisde, Heathcliff's love rival in the book, who eventually marries Cathy is called Linton. Now which former PM has that as one of his names?

The One That Is Feeling Suitably Chastised. . .

Bankrupt Goldfish holidays in Japan.

Interesting to see Gordon the Goldfish (watch his mouth gaping like a landed fish next time he's on the telly, once you've spotted it, you can't help but notice it, you can even predict its appearance) berating us all from Hokkaido about food waste and how much we throw away.

OK, Mac The Knife said it best a little time ago:

If I want to dump 'Taste the difference' Chicken Nibletz into my garden pond, or nail gammon steaks to the shed that's my affair. When will you people shut the fuck up and bugger off?

What remarkable chutzpah from Goldfish Gordie, having a go at us about waste? Of course it is all our fault. The economy has been bumping along quite nicely for a while and it was all down to him, but now the wheels have fallen off it isn't his fault. What a remarkable turn of events, who'd have thought in this day and age that someone would absolve themselves of any fault and lay the blame at someone else's door?

The report from the Torygraph says:

Families in the UK are throwing away a total of 4.1 million tonnes of perfectly good food every year, costing each around £420 annually, according to the 10-month study.

Waste could be reduced by storing fruit and vegetables better to stop them going off, and planning meals so goods are used up rather than ditched.

Now, let's just rework that a little shall we?

Politicians in the UK are throwing away a total of £4.1 million of perfectly good cash every year, costing each household around £420 annually, according to the 10-month study.

Waste could be reduced by storing tax payer's money better to stop it being spanked on vanity projects and desperate attempts to cling on to power no matter what, and economic planning so monies are used sensibly rather than pissed up the wall like we've nothing to lose.

Of course it doesn't work, does it? Because government waste, where they pump huge amounts of public cash, that is cash they've taken from you and me, into, oooh let's say PFI, where private companies are paid stupid amounts to provide a service, which they balls up, and are then given more money to solve the problem which they then don't solve, far outweighs any financial or material waste we indulge in, even if we really, really tried to throw everything away we ever touch.

Honestly Gordon, it's like telling people not to look at porn, only to be seen wanking over the lingerie section of the Grattan catalogue during PMQ's. I always thought that Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four was being used by the soon to be erstwhile Prime Minister as an instruction manual, now it looks like he's been reading Animal Farm as well.

Some are more equal than others. . .

The One That Is Tipping His Hat To Lech Kaczynski. . .

This is Lech Kaczynski, noble looking chap, isn't he?

He happens to be the President of Poland, he seems to have *ahem* slight authoritarian leanings, but as they say the enemy of my enemy. . .

Now, this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I'm not entirely happy about the EU. However, nothing is all bad, and one of the very rare good points about the EU is the fact that it has enabled us to be closer to the Poles. I like the Poles a great deal, they are in the main, honest, hard-working, patriotic people, they fought like lions alongside allied troops in the second world war and there is some startling statistic about the amount of Lufwaffe aircraft shot down by Polish airmen. Were it not for these people it is highly likely that the Battle of Britain would have been lost. It is a crying shame that Communism and the Cold War kept us apart for so long. In short, I believe Poland is a country we can do business with.

Oh, hullo! It looks like the Poles are doing their best to help us out again. The aforementioned Mr. Kaczynski is now giving serious thought to not putting his John Hancock on the Polish ratification of the Lisbon Treaty, citing that it would be pointless in light of the Irish referendum. Bloody well done. Isn't it marvellous how new boys in the shape of Poland and the Czech Republic could be the people to put the final nail in the coffin of this odious and anti-democratic treaty? If only our government had the same guts.

And whilst I'm on the subject, Al-Beeb, the Bullshit Broadcasting Corportation, or as I like to call them, those fucktards in White City have said:

All 27 EU members must ratify the document.

Oh really now? MUST they? What will happen if they do not? Will the Euro-corps (hahahahaha) come rolling over the plains like the Nazis and the Soviets? You arrogant fuckers, the Poles kicked the spirit crushing Communists into touch with one of the most spirited revolutions in history. I'm reckoning the Poles aren't going to be leant on by these dictatorial, self-appointed arse clowns in Brussels. More power to them.

The One That Is Saying 'You Couldn't Make It Up'. . .

I normally take these stories with a pinch of salt. I think to myself 'surely this can't be true.'

A fruit and veg wholesaler faces throwing away an entire consignment of Chilean kiwis because inspectors said they were too small.

Tim Down, from Bristol, said he could not even give away the 520 fruit, each of which is about the size of a small hen's egg and weighs about 60g.

"I was given 24 hours to think about it and my outrage grew," he said.

A spokesman for the Rural Payments Agency (RPA) said the consignment failed to meet EU grading rules.

It goes on for a while in a similar vein.

If it were a chap trying to sell a Mercedes estate with a moped engine hidden away under the bonnet, I could understand. But kiwi fruit? Give me a break, you see it sat in a box in front of you, there's not a great deal that can surprise you. As for not being able to give it away. . .

Stupidity doesn't even being to cover it.

The One That Is Being Racially And Sexually Discriminated Against. . .

<--- There she is, Harriet Harman, the member of the cabinet that has made racial and sexual discrimination legal once again. Well done Harriet, I hope you are really proud of yourself.

You repulsive and detestable bitch. I hope you lose the use of your legs.

Why am I so angry? Simple, today the government has announced that when firms have two equally good candidates for a job, they will be permitted to choose a succesful candidate on the basis of their gender or ethnicity.

Guess what? As long as you're not male and white.

What really annoys me is that this policy has been introduced in such a fashion that speaking out against it can only make one sound like a BNP campaigner, which I ain't. What agenda are the fuckers trying to push forward now? This is another slap in the face from these self-loathing, shit-for-brains malcontents. You know what? We made some serious mistakes in the past, we have been guilty of the most horrific prejudices and discriminations in the past, but it wasn't me. I didn't do it, so why am I being penalised for it? This will not make the past go away, and nothing we can do can change what has happened. We have redressed the balance, apologised for the actions of our forebears and, I thought, levelled the playing field to ensure that such a thing can never happen again.

It is now happening again. Just as I would hate to think I got a job because I am white and male and the other candidate was black and female (indeed I don't think I would work for such an organisation), I would hate to think I would not get a job for the same reasons.

You can always tell when a policy is bullshit, it is passed off as being, after consideration, a good thing, but the reverse being introduced would cause hell to be raised. What would the reaction be if the government told companies that it would be perfectly acceptable to choose the white male candidate in the event of a tie on the grounds of his skin colour and gender? The CRE would be up in arms, and rightly so.

Race, gender, sexuality, disability, age, whatever, it makes NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE. You can either do the job, or not. Why on Earth in the 21st Century are we keeping records on what little boxes we fit into? I only care about if someone is a) competent and b) a decent person. The rest is irrelevant. Why not keep records on how many members of staff have blue eyes, are left handed or enjoy eating cauliflower? Fucking cut it out.

There is no such thing as positive discrimination, only discrimination. It amounts to saying there is good and bad democracy, for example if an electorate is given a referendum on an important treaty and. . . oh. . . hang on. . . shit.

What a bunch of fucking wankers.

The One That Wishes They'd Stop Bloody Banning Things. . .

It really does beggar belief.

Now we have plans to ban (I'm starting to respond to that word as I do to the word 'Nigger' - with revulsion) the sale of alcohol in off licences and supermarkets to the under 21's in Scotland.

What


The


Fuck?

There was some Johnny on Al-Beeb a moment ago representing the Scottish Licencesee Association, or some-such bemoaning the fact that the supermarkets are knocking out booze much, much cheaper than pubs.

Well? Yes? Should we also ban the little counters selling pre-cooked chickens and curry on that basis?

He then goes on to moan about falling numbers in Scottish pubs.

Now, what has recently been banned in pubs that means a large number of people could turn to drinking at home?

Furthermore, this causes problems because people are now drinking out of pubs and out of a controlled environment. A controlled environment? Give me strength. Go to my local Weatherspoons, the very embodiment of a controlled environment, no music, no telly, no sitting at the bar, drinking in the new Soviet is upon us. See how controlled it is at kicking out time. I was in NY a few years ago and was amazed to see a little sign on a bar-top which said something along the lines of 'For your enjoyment a maximum of three drinks may be consumed.' In other words, we've decided how much you can safely drink, it was like trying to buy more than a dozen paracetemol. For Pete's sake, don't let the politicos hear 'drinking in a controlled environment' next thing will be having to go to a State Booze Shop and buying vouchers which can be exchanged in state approved drinking dens and we'll be limited to the daily amount of units allowed for our gender.

Then he went even further and suggested a state set minimum price for alcohol, to prevent supermarkets knocking out Belgian stubbies at 12p a bottle or whatever. This isn't binge drinking control, this is competition nobbling. To dress it up for the social good is cynical and underhand, you should be disgusted with yourself.

But where has all this come from? Ah yes, the SNP. Now I have no problem with the Scots having a chance to vote on splitting from the Union (in fact here's an idea, let's save some cash and have it on the same day we have a referendum on our continued membership of the EU, bugger Lisbon, let's go the whole hog), but fuck me, what a bloody shower. Quite happy to argue for the vote for sixteen year olds, this suggests their vote is quite young, banging on about marriage, taxes and the army, but then turning around and saying you can't buy a bottle of wine to have with your dinner until you're 21! I bet all those 14 year olds are quaking in their boots as they score a bottle of Buckie, they'll be breaking the law by seven years now, rather than four. I'm sure the good burghers of Greenock will be able to sleep safely in their beds.

STOP FUCKING BANNING THINGS.

JUST STOP IT.









STOP IT NOW.




YOU FUCKERS.

The One That Is Delighted With The Irish Throwing Out The Lisbon Treaty. . .

And more power to them, wouldn't it be nice to have a written constitution that demands the consent of the electorate before any changes are made to it?

I'm not going to cover the old argument between the 'it's the same as the EU Constitution', 'no it isn't', 'yes it is' camps.

Have no doubt that had we in the UK had an opportunity to vote on the Lisbon Treaty, the result here would have been exactly the same here as it was in Ireland. I would also imagine that the Dutch and French and no doubt others would have thrown it out. That is the sole reason we've not had the opportunity to pass judgement on it, the government were well aware that they would have lost.

Kudos to Vaclav Klaus the Czech president who has called for ratification of this to be discontinued and brickbats to the French, German and Spanish governments for trying to ride roughshod over the wishes of the Irish people.

There's one thing I don't understand, why are the national governments of Europe so desperate to see more power handed over to Brussels? I just don't get it. I understand why the troughers in the EU Commission want it, they are desperate to control all our lives in some nightmarish Socialist dystopia and to steal as much of our cash as possible whilst they're at it. But why the national governments? I know a large number of MPs are in the game to get as much gravy as they can, but do they not want some modicum of power? It seems to me like employing a man to drive my car, but only when and to where he wants to drive me, it is sheer stupidity.

I want to be close to our neighbours in Europe, I want free movement of trade, goods and people, but that doesn't mean we need to have tax harmonisation, a common foreign policy, the 'Euro-Corps' (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA) and the all other shite that goes with it, and if we absolutely MUST have this, then give me a vote on Commissioners and the President, give me some audited accounts, a fair and open parliament and at least a pretence of accountability. The ironic thing is that if the EU wanted to join the EU, it wouldn't be allowed to do so because of its economic and democratic practices.

'Do as I say, don't do as I do.' - No I won't. Do as I say: Fuck off.

The one that is pleased to see someone sticking it to them . . .

Good to read the reports of fishermen from around Europe (but mainly our Italian and French cousins) having a bit of a tear-up outside the EU Commission in Brussels, not that I'd ever condone civil disobedience. Well, perhaps a bit.

No prizes for guessing that the basis of the 'protest' was the price of fuel, in their case marine diesel which has gone up, well, lots recently. This hits the French fisherman particularly hard as it makes it very expensive for them all to go out and blockade harbours and ports in righteous indignation whenever the harbour master looks at them in a funny way or doesn't bless their barnacles, or whatever.

Whilst I respect the French fishermen for standing up for themsevles, I can't help thinking that they're a little shellfish (geddit? Sorry.) as they are protesting about the fact that the French government won't give them, and only them as fishermen, a break on the tax they pay on the diesel they use. Of course the French goverment shrug their shoulders in that oh so Gallic fashion. There's nothing they can do of course, it is all down to EU competition laws. Which as far as I can make out are there to stop any competition at all and make sure that the commission has complete control over every industry.

But here's the rub, EU rules state that VAT rate on fuel in member states MUST be at least 15%. Anything above that is down to the member state.

Let us just revisit that shall we? The EU says that we MUST charge 15% VAT minimum on fuel.

I'm not entirely happy about that, in fact, when the next election comes around, I think I'm going to vote for a different commissioner.

What? What's that you say? I can't vote for commissioners? Ahh, well that explains how Peter Mandelson is alive and getting paid as well (to mis-quote HMHB). That is why I hate this collection of dictatorial, unelected, grasping, sociopathic, fuckwits who are trying to run my country and my life and give me absolutely no say in it whatsoever.

It is exactly this sort of thing that makes we want to unwind razor wire and set tank traps on Camber Sands whilst wearing a tin helmet and singing Gracie Fields and Vera Lynn.

What a bunch of servile, arrogant fuckers, and what a bunch of fucking idiots we are to continually elect politicians who feather their own nests and sell more and more of our sovereignty down the river. The sooner we're rid of the shower of shite in Westminster and the absolute deluge of typhoid ridden shit in Brussels the better.

Now, where did I leave my barrage ballloon?