The One That Wonders If They Can Stoop Any Lower. . .

Labour MP Frank Cook claimed on expenses for a £5 church donation he made at a Battle of Britain memorial service, the Sunday Telegraph reports.

I mean, seriously, how cheap do you have to be to do that? How little respect can you have?

The MP for Stockton-on-Tees submitted the 2006 claim with a handwritten note, but it was later rejected by the Commons Fees Office, the paper says.

So there may be someone in the Fees Office with something approaching some common sense after all then.

Mr Cook said he did not recall the claim and described it as "a mistake".

Hang on, if you didn't recall it, how can you explain it away as a mistake? I've never been in the position where I've filled in a claim for the Commons Fees Office, but I'm assuming that a handwritten note goes something like this:

Dear Fees Office Minion,

I made a £5 donation to a church the other day. They didn't give a receipt. Please cough up.

Yours etc,

Frank Crook

Oh, sorry, that should have said Cook.

Mistake? What did you mean to write instead? You donated £50? £500? It may only be a fiver, and at that a fiver you were told to go and whistle for, but that is irrelevant. What sort of complete cock-monkey, arse-clown fucktard puts in an expenses claim for a donation to charity? And one that I should imagine is not fed at the expense of the taxpayer.

Twat.

The One That Is That Is Saying Goody-Goody Gumdrops. . .

As I said in my last post, I'm happy to take on one target at a time.

Guido reports that Labour are now in third place behind UKIP. Blue Labour will keep for another day, the Lib Dems are fast becoming an irrelevance. Labour's goose is so cooked that it has set the smoke alarm off.

Thursday and what promises to be a swiftly following general election will be an elephant hunt. I cannot wait, it's going to be hugely entertaining.

The One That Is Counting The Days. . .

Just been watching Julie Kirkbride on Sky News, she's finally come out of hiding and produced an interview laden with patronising language, self pity, excuses, refusal to admit that anything wrong has been done and refusal to answer the fucking question. She regrets the situation she's in. That speaks volumes, she doesn't regret doing what she did, she just regrets being found out.

Her hubbie did the same. Let's hope history repeats itself. Actually, scrub that, let's hope she digs her heels in and then we'll get to see how tough Call Me Dave's stand actually is, if we're lucky she'll be allowed to contest her seat and we can all enjoy seeing her come in behind the Hug A Hedgehog For God Party.

Anyhow, to the matter in hand. It is now but one week from the European and local elections and I've never looked forward to any election as much as I have this one. I'm buzzing with anticipation at the thought of staying up all night with a selection of fine Kentish ciders, secure in the knowledge that I have the following day off work, and watching the results come in, the party gophers wandering around like dazed bomb blast survivors and the great and good looking ashen faced as they stare their immediate political fate in the eyes.

I hope beyond hope that all the big three get an absolute savaging, it is a pity that it won't be the troughers in Westminster getting the gooner, but I look at this as the wonderful starter in what promises to be a feast fit for a monarch, the main course won't be far behind. Going off on a tangent for a moment, I noted with interest yesterday that The Sun was leading with a story detailing the gravy in Brussels, well done for catching up lads, keep it up.

As I said, this is just the starter. The Tories and Lib Dems will have performances that would result in much shuffling about and self-conscious staring at feet, but it will be nothing compared to the complete mauling that promises to engulf Labour. Let's deal with one target at a time, and Labour are squarely in my sights.

Although I do not trust nor particularly like the Tories or Lib Dems, I downright hate Labour, and here is why. In 1997 I was 21 years old, and although I didn't buy into the hysteria, I was well aware that changes had to happen, the Major government was a disaster, full of relics who had grown complacent with the feeling that they had a right to prosecute their own personal agenda to the very end. They had to go.

I never felt that Labour would be different, but at least it wasn't the lot in power. Initial satisfaction that the Tories had gone was tempered with the nagging voice in the back of my mind saying 'That's a very big majority they've got there, Wolfers'. Satisfaction turned into unease, going through suspicion, resentment and anger before settling into outright hatred.

Those last 12 years have sold my generation down the river in grand style, we have been lied to, stolen from, measured, controlled and insulted in equal measure. The day of reckoning is at hand and every generation is absolutely furious that this government has proved to be as self serving, if not more self-serving, than the one that went before.

There comes a point for the lobby fodder where this doesn't become a question of losing power, I think they are resigned to that fact, the point now is that people on healthy majorities are looking at losing their jobs. Bugger party loyalty, these boys and girls can see their livings being taken from them, if the rank and file backbenchers feel that they'll be trying to get jobs elsewhere after an election next year, then Brown will be out faster than a round from an AK47. I can't see how Parliament, let alone the public, could be expected to wear a third PM in a single term.

Thursday night next week will be bad news for Labour, if it is really, really bad (and God do I hope that it is), I don't see how Brown can hope to hang on to his position. Let's hope that when the inveitable happens, people don't take so long to realise that they've made a like for like substitution.

The One That Is Revealing The Bollocks Phrase Of The Day . . .

Bank Holiday, and I was fortunate enough to be working.

I'll leave it for you to decide if that opening sentence is an attempt at sarcasm or not.

Anyhow in the car on the way home I was listening to Pravda Radio 5 when they talked about the increase in skin cancer being down to 'binge tanning', a phrase which they attributed to Cancer Research UK.

Binge tanning?

Give me fucking strength. . .

The One That Will Vote Any Damn Way He Chooses. . .

Interesting to note that their Graces the Archbishops of Canterbury and York have waded into the debate surrounding the forthcoming elections. They too are keen that people should not vote BNP, even though it is none of their bleeding business. Do we really want the established Church supporting or opposing political parties?

Dr Rowan Williams and Dr John Sentamu said it would be "tragic" if people abstained or voted BNP at the local and European elections on 4 June.

I see, but it is perfectly acceptable to vote communist, monster raving loony or Satanists for Indian takeaway night on a Thursday, though.

Let’s face two facts here, the term BNP is now in danger of becoming the generic term for ‘others’, just as hoover becomes interchangeable with vacuum-cleaner and ‘Kosovan’ was taken to mean an asylum seeker of any nationality. Not Tory, Labour or Lib Dem? Must be BNP then.

Second, the BNP are likely to provide significant support for the status quo regarding Monarch, Church and State. So what’s the real beef here?

There have been some rumblings about taking this current crisis and using it as a catalyst for some real far reaching reforms of Parliament. David Starkey has been very vocal, as was Martin Bell on Question Time on Thursday evening, even drawing enthusiastic applause from that common purpose droid Ben Bradshaw. One of those serious reform ideas is for a totally elected Upper House.

The Lords Spiritual will not be amused at the idea of losing their last real bit of constitutional power in this country. They can’t really say ‘vote for the status quo’, so they use the BNP dog whistle in the hope that people equate ‘minority party’ with ‘horrible racist’.

Well it isn’t going to work on me.

The One That Hasn't Received An Invite. . .

Anyone realised how much blogspace the BNP are taking up at the moment? Anyone would think that the MSM is right behind them, not a day goes by without a story talking about the 'danger' of the BNP or saying 'BNP - Boooooooo!' It's all a bit scary, isn't it?

Well, no, not really. I have little doubt that the BNP will pick up a seat or two in the coming Europeans, and I'd be very surprised if they didn't end up with a number of councillors in the locals. If there's a snap general election they're quite capable of picking up one or two Westminster seats as well.

Here's a newsflash; It wouldn't be the end of the world. Concentration camps would not be built on disused airfields, einsatzgruppen would not be despatched to Leicester and Bradford, we would not see flags involving eagles and lightning bolts flying over prominent public buildings.

When push comes to shove, a couple of BNP MEP's, councillors and MPs will make very little difference in the grand scheme of things. No-one seems to be making a fuss about the Greens being in a fairly similar position, but then of course the Greens aren't eeeeeeeeeevil.

Still, we must be fearful, the politicians in the established parties certainly are. Not because the British Reich is goose-stepping into Westminster and County Halls accross the land, but because it could be they who lose their jobs to the BNP. Well who's fault is that? Is it the BNP's fault for promoting policies which sit so well with the mindset of the British public? If it is, then absolutely the BNP should be given power, if they have the majority support then democracy demands it.

Of course they don't, so they won't. This whole argument is ridiculous, other than a few people who do support the BNP's aims and objectives, votes that they pick up will not be votes for the BNP, but votes against the established parties. The established parties have no-one else to blame but themselves for this.

The big three would have you believe that all protest votes will go to the BNP, just to keep the fear well fed and exercised. It won't, all the minority parties are expecting a day in the sun, and the PR in Europe could see some surprising people sent off to Brussels.

So instead they warn about voting for fringe parties. Well, fuck you. It isn't our duty to vote for only one of the three main parties, that isn't how it works. Deal with it, you have not only failed us, but have insulted us and stolen from us whilst you were at it. Still you refuse to accept that you've really done anything wrong. You'll pay for that.

Still the established parties scream 'political stunt' at the BNP. Is that what they are paid for? Pointing out the bleeding obvious? Of course Nick Griffin trying to engineer a ticket to The Queen's garden party is a political stunt. The man isn't an idiot, he knows full well that his attending this event is irrelevant, just a whisper that he might be rocking up to Buck House will put his face and his party's logo all over the broadcast media and national press. He whistles, the MSM and established parties come running.

It doesn't matter what you say about the BNP, we've all heard it a thousand times before, what is important from their point of view is that they are kept in the public eye in the run up to polling day, and that the public realise they are nothing like the big three. No broken promises, no outrageous manifesto breaches, no cash for peerages, no using those peerages to make the cash back in the Lords. Shits they may be, but at least they don't take the piss, and the big three are just as shitty. Where's the big difference? Labour, Tory, Lib Dem and BNP, they are all equally objectionable in their own ways.

So, if the BNP are to be barred from the Garden Party, I expect any person invited to be barred from attending if they are found to belong to any party. Or is that other perfectly legal parties believe that they are more equal? How many rabid republicans exist in Labour and Lib Dems? Is The Queen going to be comfortable with them poking around her flower beds? No such problems with the BNP.

Keep whining, keep pointing and shouting. All you do is weaken your own position. Fools.

I'll state again, I do not support the BNP and have no intention of voting for them. I have complete understanding for those who do vote for them, they feel they have nowhere left to go, and that is no fault of theirs.

The One That Hopes It Is A Typo . . .

Or does it really reveal some good old BBC bias?

In this article from Pravda which casts an eye over the chances of the English Democrats in the forthcoming European elections, it reads in part:

The UK Independence Party (UKIP) appears to be the main beneficiary of public anger over the MPs' expenses scandal, while the British National Party (UKIP) believes it is on the verge of gaining its first seats in the European Parliament.

Hmmm, is that people really feel in White City, or is it just a typo? Let's see how they take to change it. . .

The One That Asks. . .

. . . has there ever been a more graceless exit from public life than that which we saw from Michael Martin today? He looked furious, furious because he has been caught out, furious that he has made himself the news story, furious that the press have had the balls to buy and release expenses claims, furious that some MPs have dared to speak out against him, and furious that we the public have listened to what has been said and rested our gaze upon him.

Martin has demonstrated what I have always considered to be the worst flaw of the vocal socialist; it is all 'Brothers and Sisters! Let us struggle together against those who would seek to take that which is ours and live like parasites off our toil' up until such time as they then get their spot at the trough, when it becomes 'Guards! Arrest that peasant, he is looking at me, doesn't he know who I am?'

I understand that in the lobby before his resignation 'speech', the MPs lined up and applauded him into the chamber with a guard of honour.

How apt that those without honour should line up to guard the quality which is so sadly missing in the soon to be erstwhile Speaker.

Good riddance, Martin, fancy taking about 600 others with you?

The One That Is Ashamed. . .

If ever there were a demonstration of Parliament's contempt for the public they are supposed to be serving, it came just now as the Speaker addressed the House.

I'll gloss over the fact that he didn't seem to understand the procedure of the House and had to discuss it with the Clerk, and focus instead on the fact that during the numerous points of order he effectively denounced Douglas Carswell's early day motion as a peice of trivia.

His refusal to pass any comment on his immediate future can only lead me to suppose that it is his intention not only to see this term out, but also to stand for election at the next election. Convention has it that a serving Speaker is unopposed by the two other main parties in his consituency during an election. Bollocks to that convention, the Lib Dems and Tories should piss all over that. The status quo must not be protected.

It isn't just that the Speaker should be offered up as a sacrificial lamb for the malfeasance of the House, he isn't a scapegoat and should not be treated as one, but he is one the worst troughers out there.

By refusing to give time over to Carswell's EDM, he has refused the House the opportunity to discuss his tenure as Speaker and has dropped the hot spud squarely in the lap of Brown. Brown will do nothing. I have no doubt that a number of 'honourable' members that would vote in a motion of no confidence in Martin would do so in the hope that the House surrendering him to the mob would deflect attention away from their own avarice, but that should not detract from the decent MPs who realise that his isn't, has never been, and will never be up to the job he is supposed to be doing.

Once again the political class hold up two fingers to the public and shout a hearty 'fuck you'.

The Queen has the prerogative of dissolving Parliament whenever she sees fit, I sit here in the hope that Her Majesty uses that right sooner rather than later.

This is an absolute disgrace from a legislature who do nothing but look out for their own personal, financial interests. The sooner we can kick out the whole sorry lot of them, the better.

The One That Thinks The Colour Grey Has Outlived Its Use. . .

This is unprecedented, I don't think we've ever seen anything like this before, and one can only wonder how much worse it is going to get for the big three.

The Mail on Sunday has published a poll this morning detailing a collapse for all three main parties in the run-up to the Europeans, and I see no way for them to turn this around. The poll standings are listed here on Sky News and make startling reading.

Conservative - 30%
Labour - 17%
UKIP - 17%
Lib Dems - 15%
Green - 7%
BNP - 5%
Others - 9%

When I heard that UKIP had tied with Labour, my main reaction was amazement that they had been beaten into joint third by the Lib Dems, but no, they've limped in in fourth place.

That's six points down for Labour and the Tories, and a one point drop for the Lib Dems.

Not wanting to blow my own trumpet but I said this a little while back:

Just watch that 'others' column on Euro & local election night, just watch the minority share of the vote leap up.

The revelations about MPs on the take and on the make just keep coming and the anger on the streets is almost tangible, is there any way back for the big three? All of them are suffering and not one of them can take the moral high ground on this subject, all the big three parties have shown themselves to be morally bankrupt, but they certainly aren't financially bankrupt, God knows they've trousered enough of our money.

I really do think that time is swiftly running out for this parliament now. It has ceased to be a problem with the Labour party and is now all elected parties demonstrating that this parliament is rotten is to the very core. When was the last time you read a story about the Monarch voicing concern over the performance of their Parliament for crying out loud?

The Queen wading in, a party normally expressed in grey and lumped in with the others on the polling graphics now deserves a little purple and yellow column of its own; these things just do not happen.

'May you live in interesting times' is normally taken to be something of a curse, but I find this fascinating and more than a little exciting. Could it be that the electorate have awoken from their slumber? Has the arrogant, unlistening stranglehold of the big three been severely weakened, if not broken? Let's hope so. Let's have parties actually representing something, and someone, rather than engaging in a show of representation.

There'll be talk of upheaval with polticians pursing their lips in disapproval. The commentators will warn of the 'danger' of marginal votes (the danger being it makes predicting what is going to happen that much more difficult) leading to instability. The main parties will tell scare stories of coalition governments, look at Italy. Well, yes, but look at Ireland, how they've been a model of stability, working under a system that was designed by the British to de-stabilise them.

I've no idea how this is going to pan out, but it could just be that the venal, grasping nature of those representing the 'established' parties has brought about one of the biggest shifts in British politics for decades. If that is the case, then our politicians will now have to listen what the electorate want, rather than telling them what they will be getting.

The One That Is All Of A Quandry. . .

My poll card for the forthcoming elections dropped onto my doormat this morning, and it has distracted me from the circus side show of the expenses for a moment.

My vote is something I take very seriously. Despite all that Labour have done since they took power to marginalise our liberties, we are fortunate to live in a country where we have the opportunity to kick out and/or vote in the people of our choice. I may support someone who is ultimately unsuccesful, but at least I have the opportunity to support them. There are millions of people living around the world who would view this power with a sense of wonder. A vote is not something to be treated lightly, or ignored.

I've pretty much made my mind up in the Council elections, so that really isn't an issue. The big question is; who the hell do I support in the Europeans? Firstly, the Libertarians are not standing in the Europeans, a decision I understand and give qualified to support to, so that's them out. I can also discount the following:

Labour - Not even the hard of thinking will need an explanation as to why it will be a cold day in hell before I support that shower. I've never voted for them, and I'm not about to start now.


LibDem - I had a brief dalliance with them when I was teenager (well, who hasn't?) before realising that, well, they're just a bit shit, really.

Greens - What was it that Caroline Lucas said? Something about flying away on holiday is like stabbing someone in the street? No point in them going to Brussels then, OK they can take the Eurostar, but how do they attend seminars, conferences and the like? Do they swim? Bollocks to them.


BNP - The devilish bit of me quite likes the idea of one or two BNP seats. I can't stand the arseholes, but the political class need a good hefty smack in the mouth, a couple of BNP Euro seats would do just that. But, no, I cannot in all good conscience vote for them. As I said, my vote is important to me, and I've also said in the past that it is important to vote for something, rather than against it. It wouldn't be a vote for the BNP, it would be a vote against the big three.

Nearly, but not quite:

Jury Team - Nice idea, but it all seems to have been thrown together at the last minute. Perhaps next time when I'm surer of their mechanics.

English Democrats - I quite like their basic policies - anti-EU, pro-English parliament, but I'm still a little hazy of what they want beyond that.

Libertas - Fair play to Declan Ganley and his scuppering of the Lisbon referendum in Ireland, but I'm afraid that the whole 'in Europe, not run by Europe' rings a little hollow. Sorry, lads, not for me.

No2EU - Except for the obvious, I know nothing about them.

So that really leaves me with two choices, and one of them many of you would have expected to see in the instantly discounted list:

Conservatives - I'm not a Tory supporter, and I'm well aware that in the Europeans you vote for a party rather than a candidate. However, I am a fan of Dan Hannan, he is very much on the Libertarian wing of the party, is not afraid to raise his head above the parapet and I like what he says. He is number 1 on the Tory list (I live in the South-East England constituency), so I suppose it is a given he'll be returned to Brussels. But does that mean I should not vote for him? I support him, but not his party, so it would be a vote for something, but I'd rather he was doing it wearing a UKIP rosette, given that we (The Libertarians) won't be standing.

UKIP - Single issue party they may be, but bloody hell, what an important issue. Their policy is one that I support wholeheartedly. I honestly believe that if we are to take control of our country then leaving the EU is the only really effective step we can take to start the process. I also think it is important that (as far as I am aware) the UKIP policy if they were to get elected to Westminster, is that a referendum would be held on the issue. Whilst it is unlikely that UKIP would be elected to power in Westminster on a protest vote, I think it is vital that the national debate on continuted EU membership is held. I hate the big three refusing to discuss our withdrawal, and would not want to put those in favour of our membership in the same position as I find myself now. There must be a proper, temperate debate and a simple question put to the electorate.

So, do I vote for a party that has a policy close to my heart, or do I vote for the individual I have a great deal of respect for, but who just happens to sit at the top of the list for a party I do not support? A difficult decision, and one that I'm going to have to give some very serious thought to.

The One That Wants To Know Which One It Is. . .

So which one is it? Troughing pig or drooling imbecile?

Elliot Morley (and there's a face only a mother could love) is in the Telegraph coloured shit this evening. It transpires that he claimed £16k to pay a mortgage he didn't have.

Sixteen thousand quid is more than a good deal of people in this country see in wages every year. This is not a piffling amount of cash.

Is there not one MP that will have the balls to come out and say 'Yes, we've been right at it. There has been a culture of grabbing as much loot as possible for years at Westminster now, and we honestly thought you'd never rumble us'?

No, Elliot Morley is the latest in an every increasing line of MPs who have made a 'mistake'.

This defies belief, these mistakes have been made over and over again. And for how many years before the leak of these expenses claims?

How are we to have any faith in your policies if you repeatedly make the simplest mistakes? Do you really expect us to believe that these are proper honest to God mistakes? Or is that perhaps you've been, y'know, lying?

Either way the whole fucking lot of you are not to be trusted, how stupid do you think we are?

The One That Is Waiting For The Backlash. . .

One of the problems with this blogging lark is that is a little incestuous, a great deal of preaching to the choir goes on, and there's very little 'engagement' (to hijack a horrible peice of nu-speak) outside of those who share your beliefs.

I'm used to getting strange looks when I start ranting about this, that and the other. 'Don't worry, it's just Wolfers going off on one again,' is the view amongst my friends whenever the subject of politics raises its head. To be fair it is normally me that raises the subject as well.

My phone and Facebook have been glowing red-hot for the last few days. The message? 'I get it now. I understand why you're always so angry.' They seemed puzzled when I would respond to their shrugged shoulders and claims of it being none of their business with cries of 'Oh just go and watch bloody Eastenders.'

Now 'they' are angry. Not just us sad little bloggers railing against the world. People who have never shown the slightest interest, those that have always voted the way they vote, regardless of what the parties say or do. Those that have always considered voting to be a waste of time, or something they don't want to get involved in, they are really pissed off.

A number of these people have been chatting with me throughout the last few days, and they're going to vote, alright. None of them seem too keen on voting for the big 3 though, all of them seem very keen in voting to give the 'little parties' a chance. And not just next month, they can't wait to dish it out in the 'proper' election when it comes.

UKIP
BNP
Green
Libertarian
English Democrat
Monster Raving Looney
Socialist Raving Looney
Badger Underpass Indie Raving Looney

Whether I agree with some, all or none of those listed above is irrelevant. The important thing is that they're not those greedy fuckers draining a moat or having a second home re-furbed at my expense to the tune of £10k.

Just watch that 'others' column on Euro & local election night, just watch the minority share of the vote leap up. The same will happen in the General Election, the media will play ball, newspaper sales must be through the roof. Bugger partisan loyalties, they could actually make some money, all they have to do is keep the anger bubbling away.

Protest vote? You bloody bet. Not brought about by indifferent mis-trust, this is all out hatred, and they hate every last one of you. As Old Holborn is fond of saying; 646 of them, 60,000,000 of us. Well, the 60,000,000 have just done the maths. Let the games begin. . .

The One That Says 'Well, Sort Of, Said.'. . .

With a tip of the hat to The Penguin, Kate Hoey goes on to finish that which she started to say before being so rudely interrupted by that contemptible shit Martin.

Do head over and read the whole thing. Perhaps there is a shred of decency in the Labour party after all, shame it's sat at the back and told to shut the fuck up.

The One That May Pay A Visit To The Bookies. . .

Interesting to note that on an opinion poll used by Sky News this morning, given the +/- 2% margin of error, Labour could even be in third place as things stand (Con 39, Lab 26, LD 22, Others 13), this equates to around a 100 seat majority for Blue Labour if there were an election tomorrow. Except it wouldn't. With news this morning coming out about Tories claiming for moats, swimming pools, helipads and the like, one can only assume that any polls taken over the next day or two will result in a significant bounce for the Social Democrats who have been untouched as yet. That'll change though, because they are all at it. Even if they're not, that will be the public's view. Look for the 'others' column to increase over the next couple of weeks.

Make no mistake, the Telegraph are saving the best (worst?) for last, and any significant revelations about Labour MP's coming just as we go to the real polls for what promises to be a catastrophic display in the Europeans and locals for Labour could well bring Brown, if not the Government, down. I can't see the Labour membership wearing a third Prime Minister in one Parliamentary term, any such leader would be as effective as a window box on a submarine.

It has been clear for some time that Labour's chances of winning the next General Election are rated between slim and none, but that doesn't mean that Labour will sit back and wait for the welcoming embrace of death, they will do everything they can to make life for a new Tory administration as uncomfortable as possible. Brown isn't so deluded that he thinks he can win, but he can't very well come out and say 'well folks, we're fucked'.

This expenses carry on could actually be quite useful for Labour. Their stock is so damaged that really it can't get any worse, look at those figures again, they are within a whisker of being in third place, factor in votes for the SNP and Plaid Cymru and it is not impossible to imagine them being returned to the House in third place.

Calling an October election would mean that the damage to the Tories over this affair could be maximised. They'd still win, but it would have to have a fairly significant effect on their share of the vote and seats. If the news really got that bad, people would get very angry and make that known at the ballot box.

Here is the bit where Labour could be deluded though, they know that they will lose ground to the BNP and a few to the LibDems, but they don't make the connection. The Tories know that they would lose ground to UKIP, and a few to the LibDems, they too don't make the connection.

The problem with this expenses story is that the main parties will seize upon this as the reason for the expansion of those on the margins, but they'd be wrong. It is certainly a contributory factor, perhaps even the straw that broke the camel's back, but if they think that after one turbulent parliamentary term, that people will just shuffle back to their default positions, they could be in for a shock.

Expect big changes, expect sack cloth and ashes from the MPs representing the established parties, whilst those elected from BNP and UKIP (and I would be astounded if there aren't any) hit them with expenses, expenses, expenses time and time again. Expenses will be the only show in town for some considerable time.

But it isn't the only show, there will be remorse shown and claims of leopards changing their spots, but it won't matter. The established parties will still have this idea that they are the natural party of government, they still won't listen to what the electorate want, they will carry on ruling by dictat, spin and deception. After an October election, called to limit the majority of the incoming government, all three parties will be damaged and the electorate may finally realise the power that little ballot paper holds.

Summer of rage? Forget it. Let's have an Autumn of Revenge instead.

The One That Has Been Selected. . .

I've received notice this morning that I am to sit on the jury in the Court of Public Opinion.

This Court was convened by the Labour Party following the news that Fred 'The Shred' Goodwin would keep his pension. Harriet Harman declared that the sum of money was 'unacceptable in the Court of Public Opinion.'

The Court of Public Opinion will now be hearing evidence against 646 MPs. Many of the MP's will argue that the evidence presented by the prosecution, in the shape of the Daily Telegraph, is not admissable in the court as it has been stolen. However a precedent was set in March 2009 when Harman asserted that the rule of law did not apply in CoPO.

Unlike other courts in the UK, CoPO is unusual in as much as it has a jury of 60,000,000 people, drawn from all sections of the population, representing all colours, religions, sexualities and every village, town and city in the country.

Initial judgement will be passed by CoPO on June 4th, with a secondary, final ruling to be handed down by July 2010.

The decision of CoPO is final, there is no appeal, either in the UK or in Europe, and the judgements are severe.

The One That Is Delighted. . .

It's all kicking off!

The Torygraph has bought the CD and published the first lot of expenses for MPs starting with the Cabinet.

Pass the popcorn, this will be really good fun!

The One That Can Spell Betrayal. . .

Poor old Joanna Lumley, she stated yesterday that she trusted Gordon Brown following their meeting about the Gurkhas.

She's learned that lesson then.

At around 2:20 this afternoon, the Sky News ticker was promoting a press conference from the Gurkha representatives that was going to be detailing 'shocking and disturbing revelations' at 4pm.

4pm comes and it transpires that the five Gurkhas acting as test cases had been refused leave to remain in the UK. The shit was going to hit the fan.

4:10pm comes and Sky News reveals that Immigration Minister, Phil 'Custard Pie' Woolas was in an emergency meeting with Lumley. I can only imagine the meeting was going thus:

Woolas: You are one of our country's most loved actresses, representing a group of people that hold a reverential position in the nation's collective heart. Everyone hates us, please don't go and do a hatchet job on us.

Lumley: Then why piss on them, when you expressly told me you wouldn't?

Woolas: We just can't help it, it is second nature, we say we'll do one thing, you can be sure we'll go and do the exact opposite. It's crazy isn't it?

Lumley: Well what are you going to do about it?

Woolas: Resign.

Lumley: Really?

Woolas: No, I always do the opposite of what I say.

The thing is, we've a government that will piss money away on anything. Anything, and upset hundreds of thousands of people. They won't spend money on what we support.

Here's Snowolf's test for ex-Gurkhas wanting to settle in the UK:

1. Is the individual a serving or ex-member of the Gurkha regiment?

2. That's it.

Fucking simple, isn't it?

UPDATE

Well, Joanna and her team very politely tore the government a new arsehole.

There'll be nokias flying around Number 10 this afternoon, as it appears that Broon didn't know about the rejection letters (which Woolas tried to argue weren't rejections. Well if they weren't granted, what are they?) when he met Lumley. Woolas has been made to look very foolish, and the whole thing could have been very easily solved by letting the Gurkhas stay in the UK. Public support is almost unanimous. Jusy bloody do it.

Jesus, why does this government have to make such a meal of everything?

The One That Is Going To Pay Up. . .

. . . Eventually.

Ministers are to trim the number of DNA profiles on a national database by up to 850,000 after a court ruled innocent people must be removed.

Thank God for that, because just as with the Gurkhas, the government seemed determined to ignore what they were told and do what they wanted anyway.

Those arrested, but later released or acquitted, will have their profiles wiped after between six and 12 years.

Oh well, I suppose I can follow their example. I'll withold my council and road tax, and when they come calling I'll tell them I will pay, within the next six to twelve years. How much water do you think that would hold?

The One That May Surprise You. . .

I couldn't help but notice the subject of ID cards raised its head on the Daily Politics on BBC this lunchtime. It included a marvellous peice of double think from Phil 'Custard Pie' Woolas when Brillo made the point that the biometrics could be stored on passports rather than ID cards. 'Not everyone wants a passport' said Woolas.

Where as you can't get through the doors at Marsham Street for people trying to force their way in to get an ID card, can you?

Here's the suprising bit; I have no problems with an ID card.

That is an ID card that I may choose to apply for, or not. An ID card that does not contain a copy of my fingerprints, DNA, inside leg measurement, favourite brand of breakfast cereal or number of shoes I own.

I have no problem with an ID card that contains my photo, my face is on display every time I set foot out of my door, if I didn't want it seen, I'd cover it. Nor do I have a problem with my address and date of birth being displayed on it, it is already on my driving licence. I don't even have a problem with an RF chip in the card carrying an encoded electronic version of my photograph, that would make it very difficult for someone to appropriate the card and substitute the photograph.

What I do have a problem with is the idea that I would have to have an ID card, and one would assume that being obliged to have one, I'd be obliged to carry it with me at all times. One can only assume that being obliged to carry it, a nice policeman would have powers to ask to see it if he fancied having a look.

The phrase 'nothing to hide, nothing to fear' cuts no ice with me. Firstly, when I walk down the road to the shops, I'm doing just that. I am a private citizen, and where and when I choose to go for a walk is nobody's business but mine, I am doing nothing wrong.

I'm a reasonable person, and not given to unctious displays of resistance. If a policeman comes up to me and politely asks me where I'm going, I'd probably be minded to say 'I'm just walking to the shops, Constable.' I'm not about to make a big fuss about it, despite the occasional digs at the Old Bill on here, I actually quite like the police. I've always personally found them to be professional, sensible and reasonable. In the main, they are decent people who are doing a job which, through ridiculous over legislation, changes every day. They have little hope of keeping on top of the changes and have a management which implements initiative after initiative. In my opinion, most coppers just want to go out and catch bad guys. It is sad that they find themselves as pawns in a political battle.

The problems come where a simple question posed by a police officer who may have just seen something to get their spidey-senses tingling turns into the routine tap on the shoulder and the request 'papers, please.'

How many times have we seen the scene in the Cold War era thrillers, where the noble Communist regime citizen is stopped by a plain clothes agent with that same request?

I commented a while ago that it was the little things from Communist Eastern Europe that chilled me, the big monolithic systems of controlling government provide a dull ache, but the idea of being stopped on the street and being questioned, for no apparent good reason, checkpoints on the roads, having to provide details of where you are going and for how long when you leave the country, having to do the same when you travel internally, having your vehicle tracked, and your movements monitored when on foot, these all provide sharp pricks of pain.

Some we will hopefully never see in the UK, some will certainly happen, and soon, others are here already. The introduction of an ID card such as is proposed is a big step down that road and it makes me very uneasy indeed, not just for what this government would do with it, but for what the next one, and the one in ten years will do with it. Once the genie is out of the bottle, it will be almost impossible to put it back in.

The One That Is Amazed How They Still Don't Get It. . .

The penny is finally starting to drop.

The press and, if my experience is anything to go by, the public are salivating at the prospect of a shed load of MPs being undone by their venal expenses claims.

The Cabinet are starting to fall upon one another like a pack of ravenous hounds as criticism is followed by denial, followed by infighting, followed by calls for unity. I can only ever see a call for unity as a call to get behind the person calling for unity. Brown’s colleagues are starting to edge away from the ranting madman in front of them to the door marked ‘emergency exit’, no-one wanting to be the first to hit the push-bar and setting off the alarm, even fewer wanting to be the last to get through. The New Labour project really is in its last days, the air in Number 10 and on the government front benches is heavy with the stench of decay.

The facts of the matter are this; ever since Brown and Blair’s New Labour project has been put into action, the humiliation of the party has been as certain as night following day. From day one, with celebrities queuing up to get into Downing Street for a photo-op, (wherefore now, Oasis, Damon Albarn, Bonio and other celebs?), an obsession with the projection of image over every other consideration, spin, spin, spin, spin and more spin, incredible hubris, vanity and arrogance, from that very first moment, Labour were destined to consume themselves in a Bacchanalian feast that they thought would last for ever. Just as the banks gorged themselves on financial capital that didn’t exist, Labour have gorged themselves on an equally imagined political capital.

They are utterly discredited. They have betrayed those whom they promised the Earth in 1997, they have angered the rest of the population, they pick battles they cannot win against those with huge popular support, and make pronouncements they cannot back-up, or promise referenda they have no intention of delivering. They seek to control every aspect our lives, record where we go, with whom we speak, which websites we visit, to whom we send emails, or chat with on Facebook. They demand our most personal genetic and biometric data, demand we place our children on a database for their safety and security, whilst using the same argument to exclude the recording of their own progeny. The bleating of ‘four legs good, two legs baaaaad’ from the farm is audible from the bar of the village pub, crippled with enormous tax hikes, a ban on smoking and a government health inspector tut-tutting as people drink their beer and noting down who consumes what, lest that information should be needed in the future. And whilst they do all this, they cream millions of pounds of our money off into their pockets like tinpot dictators of flyblown, swamp-ridden African countries.

Not one of them, not one, has the self-awareness or decency to hold their hands up to the offences committed against this country. The deceit and deception is total, and still as the slow, painful and bloody end approaches, the party nobility just do not get it, they deceive even themselves. Neil Kinnock has told the Guardian this morning that this squabbling is ‘ludicrous and damaging’ and that the jockeying for position in anticipation of the inevitable will ‘hand victories to the BNP’.

Well, no Neil, you’re wrong. I don’t quite understand how one man with such a long political history can have been so successful despite being so wrong, so much of the time. No-one is going to vote BNP because Harriet doesn’t like Hazel, Hazel doesn’t like Ed, Ed doesn’t like David, David can’t stand Maragaret, Margaret abhors Alistair, Alistair hates Charles and everyone despises Gordon. What do we expect? They’d all walk upon disabled babies to sit in that big chair. We understand they all want power, it is just that we don’t want Labour to have it, they’ve had it for 12 years and have squandered the opportunities afforded to them.

People aren’t going to vote BNP because of your little rows, Neil, people will vote BNP because they have cleverly and skilfully positioned themselves to occupy the space vacated by the party, who charged on the attack, like Pyrrhus, to this authoritarian ground where control over everyone, everything, must be complete.

The only remaining question to be answered will be whether those in charge of the project have the courage to administer the injection, putting their pet to sleep, or whether they will sit back and watch in denial as it lies on the floor fighting to catch its final breath.

The One That Says It Is The Very Definition Of Optimism. . .

The government is seeking to rent a private jet for the use of Foreign Secretary David Miliband.

You see he's very important, he can't possibly slum it with us proles, he might get pork flu, or even worse, get the snot beaten out of him by a hateful public, even though:

the ministerial code states that scheduled flights should be used unless deemed impractical.

That isn't going to be cheap. How are they going to organise this?

A tender for the hire of a charter aircraft was issued in February and will last two years, it is understood.

Two years? Errrm, David, the expenses review is out in July, I wouldn't even bank on this government being around in two months, let alone two years, and there must be an election next year. I'll let you in to a little secret, David; you ain't gonna win it. I'm sure whoever the Tory Foreign Sec. will be is going to enjoy using it very much.

The One That Says She Is Right And Wrong In Equal Measure. . .

The Ninja Ginja Chipmunk is the latest soon to be ex-Labour MP to comment on the death of her party.

She makes some interesting points.

Communities Secretary Hazel Blears has attacked the government's "lamentable" failure to communicate.

Well this is what happens when you have a sociopath in charge. There is no discussion, it is one way traffic.

Writing in the Observer, Ms Blears says the public does not believe many of the government's policy announcements.

Many? That 'm' is kinda redundant. Try any.

And she says use of "new media" by politicians is not as effective as traditional campaigning methods.

Not when the use of new media is Brown stopping to smile midway through a YouTube video, but ends up looking like he's just seen a kid run over by a car outside.

"YouTube if you want to, but it is no substitute for knocking on doors or setting up a stall in the town centre," she says.

Except of course, when I see Blears on a YouTube video I can just not open it. I can't see through my front door, which means there is a very small chance I could get a really nasty scare on my doorstep one day. I'd rather not take the risk, just supposing I was to open the door and find her on the doorstep, only to realise that I'd left my big carving knife in the kitchen and not taken it with me?

"We need to have a relationship with the voters based on shared instincts and emotions.

As long as those instincts and emotions are identical to the ones you share, eh, Hazel?

"We need to start showing we understand the instincts, fears, hopes and emotions of the broad mass of British people."

OK, call an election then. You've had 12 fucking years to show you understand the instincts, fears, hopes and emotions of the broad mass of British people, and to be frank, it's a bit bloody late to be making a start now. So, call an election and you'll understand the hopes of the British people, alright. We hope you fuck off and never come back. That's what we hope.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown has launched an online version of Prime Minister's Questions, pledging to respond to videoclip questions submitted via the Downing Street YouTube website.

Oh, Sweet Jesus, he really doesn't learn, does he? What's the leading question on the No. 10 site at present?