Seen in a Canterbury underpass.

Superb stuff. I could go on about graffiti as an art form vs. graffiti as vandalism, but I won’t bother. You either get it or you don’t.


Also available at the new thesnowolf.com

I laughed until flapjack came out of my nose.

But that was because I happened to be eating a flapjack at the time. It's not like I've got hamster pouches where I store bits of flapjack just in case someone gives me a good old laugh and I want to show my appreciation.

Anyhow, this is doing the rounds on Facebook, you may have already seen it. I'f you haven't go and have a look before the listing expires, what starts off as a mundane advert for an old Ford Focus degenerates into one of the most surreal and funny things I've read in a long, long time.

As I seem to be stuck in a Sci-Fi bubble at the moment, I'll show you this picture which amused me greatly:

That is what it stands for. . .

. . .isn't it?

Meanwhile. . .

. . . at Prime Minister's questions. . .

What front-line services look like.

 

Who would be first for the chop, do you think?

I HAVE to get one of these. . .

Adverts we'll never see again - Part 8.

Adverts we'll never see again - Part 7.

Adverts we'll never see again - Part 6.

Adverts we'll never see again - Part 5.

Adverts we'll never see again - Part 4.

Adverts we'll never see again - Part 3.

Adverts we'll never see again - Part 2.

Adverts we'll never see again - Part 1.

Laugh? I almost did.

Got a few things to talk about, but seem to be having problems pulling my finger out.

Many thanks to a Twitter correspondent who pointed me in the direction of this website, which has caused me a degree of mirth this evening.

The best efforts thus far (with captions):

The full body search left Ed shocked and unable to walk properly for several hours.

 

*Giggle*

As the minute silence falls around Whitehall and the Cenotaph, Ed realises he forgot to turn his phone on silent.

*Guffaw*

After years of frustration and fantasies, Ed finally got his chance to make the move on Harriet Harman.

*Roffle*

Ooooh, actually, no. That last one made me feel a little queasy.

I'm errm, I'm just going out to get some air.

So, the Pope then.

Amazing to see that he hasn't been able to sell all his tickets. This is the first official visit by the head of the Catholic church ever. He hasn't even been able to sell as many tickets as Manchester United manage once a week, and they're as hated as this fellow.

It seems remarkable to me that in a time of cuts, that we're spunking upwards of £10m on the visit of some former Nazi who has spent most of the last year acting as an apologist for the child abuse which has been running rampant through his organisation.

It isn't just that we're footing the bill, it would also appear that as well as picking up the tab, we're also going to be giving in to demands from the deranged old bastard. Even the Queen for crying out loud. It would appear that she will be expected to wear black whilst in 'His' presence. I hope to the Flying Spaghetti Monster (Sauce be upon Him) that she doesn't wear a mantilla.

And then there's the drivel that's being spouted from the entourage the sinister eyed old Paedo lover will be bringing, or not, with him:

“When you arrive at Heathrow you think at times that you’ve landed in a Third World country.” 

Way to endear yourselves to your hosts. What on Earth did you mean by that?

Mgr Oliver Lahl, said the remark was a reference to the diverse, multi-cultural population of Britain

Fuck me, paedophilia and racism? What do you need for the full set? Is the Pope going to sit having a smoke in his new steam driven Pope mobile whilst buckfast drinking, BigMac eating Cardinals shovel barn owls covered in crude oil into the furnace?

Cardinal Kasper, [...], said that Britain was a “secular and pluralist” country in which there was a “distance from God”, noting that there was “a crisis of faith” in much of the West.

No crisis here mate. Perhaps you just haven't quite got the message that your organisation is now an irrelevance. We've worked out that the Earth orbits the Sun, and that even with the latest mechanical retrieval technology there's no way you're going to make a handful of fish go round a dinner party of five thousand. We don't need you any more.

In a break with tradition, the Pope is returning to Rome with Alitalia rather than Britain’s flag carrier. 

Well, that is actually good news. What if BA went on strike? We'd be stuck with him and his freeloading mates for days, and there are children about, what if they started hanging around outside Catholic primary schools, which I understand is some sort of Papal code for 'pick-up bar'?

The Cardinal also said the Catholic Church would “never” allow the ordination of women. Asked if the Church might soften its position on women priests in 100 or 200 years, he said: “I’m not a prophet, but I don’t think so.” 

Excellent, we chalk up sexism to the list as well then. Know your place, bitch.

The Anglican Communion has allowed women to be ordained and priests to be married, but the cardinal asked: “Does it seem to you that things have gone better for them?” 

No, but that's because they're an irrelevance as well, it's nothing to do with allowing the clergy to get their leg-over, even if the person is able to give legal consent, nor is it to do with vicars worrying that the cassock makes their bum look big.

A Vatican source denied that the last minute withdrawal was a blow to the Pope’s trip but said that Cardinal Kasper’s “expertise” on ecumenical dialogue would be “much missed”. 

Yeah, after all that, he's the best they've got. I can imagine the dicussion between Cameron and Hague; 'I'm sorry David, but Alf Garnett is the only person we can send to be our Ambassador to the UN.' Good grief.

“He is quite a liberal figure who doesn’t always see eye to eye with the Pope, and he has been very friendly towards the Anglicans,” the source said. 

Tea ------> monitor. Really? Come on, tell us another one!

The Most Rev Peter Smith, Archbishop of Southwark, has warned that "crackpots and lunatics" may try to disrupt the papal visit. 

Well, he asked them along. Hmmmm? What? You mean he wasn't referring to the entourage? There's people more crackpot and lunatic? Really? Oh this should be good, I can't wait to see them! There are loads of tickets for sale after all.

They're all absolutely bonkers.

The One That Is Exclaiming 'For Crying Out Loud!'. . .

I despair. I really do despair. Before I get to today's fury catalyst. I'll make a couple of points.

Firstly, by banning things that are traditionally English, you play straight into the hands of the people you spend so much time bleating about beating. Namely the BNP. Are you so stupid that you don't realise when you engage in the activity of banning something on the premise of preventing the offence of a hypothetical minority group, all you do is give them a stick with which to beat you?

Secondly, offence, or perhaps more correctly, the taking of offence, is not a passive activity. Leg-Iron has made the point in the past that in order for offence to be given, it has to be taken. Offence cannot be thrust upon you, you have to accept it, to allow yourself to be offended. Some things are truly offensive, supporters singing songs about the holocaust when Israel play football is offensive, for example. However I will state that offence doesn't actually have any consequences. It makes you feel that the offender is a twat, but that's about it. Offence does not cost lives or limbs.

Morris Dancing is not offensive. So I was literally crying 'For fuck's sake!' when I read this story.

A group of Morris dancers say they are "disappointed and frustrated" after performances were cancelled because they wear traditional black make-up.

Why would there be a problem with the black make-up?

Chantry Primary School in Gravesend is one of three event organisers which have cancelled perfomances this year.

The school said it had to weigh up any potential offence to its community.

But how likely is that? Just as we hear about H&S bannings exasperating H&S experts, as the assessment of risk does not take account of the most important aspect, the likelihood of damage being done, decisions are being taken with a hugely amplified risk of offence.

Really, who is actually going to take offence at this display of dancing? Any spectator will realise that this is not some crude pastiche of how black people dance, indeed Border Morris uses the blacking of faces to act as a disguise, not as a lampoon of the population of Africa. If anyone decides they want to take offence and complain, what is to stop the Morris side themselves taking offence at the implication they are terrible racists? Does the accusation of racism trump the feelings of those who have been unjustly accused? The whole situation is ridiculous.

No matter, someone, somewhere, has decided that this could be, not is, offensive, and as a result the display of English cultural heritage must be stopped, 500 years of tradition must be washed away, and the bad guys get another victory, another arrow head for the BNP to loose is forged.

Oh, I don't doubt that the decision has been made for laudable reasons, there is no conspiracy here, it is just that the reasoning is deeply, deeply flawed. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I leave you with the wonderful Steve Hughes from Nanny Beeb's Comedy Roadshow the other weekend. Excellent stuff which I cannot recommend highly enough, it isn't often I adivse the consumption of media, but please do watch the whole thing.

The One That Is Chuckling. . .

Yes, it's simplistic and predictable. And its tone is a little righteous and suggests that Camp X-Ray is the only answer, but it still made me chuckle when this pinged into my inbox this morning:

THE LARK PROGRAMME

A Lady wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the
treatment of captive insurgents being held in Guantanamo Bay.

She received the following reply:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaida detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his ‘attitudinal problem' will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.

Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and his religious beliefs' -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially, Your friends at the White House