No, no, you don't understand, it's there to serve me, not you.

The problem with things being sacred is that they can never be attacked, and will always be used to suit those who have the sacred thing under their control. So, when we see. . .

The Patients Association is calling for an end to the "geographical strait jacket" of having to register with a GP near to where you live. 

My response is to say, 'well, yes. The tax taken from an individual funds the service across the nation, not just the service within 3 miles of the taxpayer's house, so that seems fair enough.'

However, whilst. . .

An official consultation has found 77% of those who replied back change. . .

and let's face facts, 77% is a margin that most market researchers would kill for, it makes their job very easy.

. . . 70% of health-care staff were against.

I couldn't give a tupenny fig if you're against it. You see, I'm funding this bloody thing whether I want it or not. Having handed over my cash, I don't think it is an unreasonable expectation that the service I get is the service I want, rather than the service the provider can actually be arsed to give, if they're not too busy and we ask very nicely.

Whatever next? Bus drivers taking the bus wherever they feel like? So you buy a single from Elephant & Castle to Charing Cross but end up in Newlyn because the driver fancied a day by the sea and a pasty?

Look, chum, you're paid to do a job, why not try getting on with it rather than whinging about the nasty people you're paid to treat having ideas you don't agree with?

While we're on the subject of bloody things I'm funding whether I want to or not. . .

The European Parliament has clashed with the UK government over the EU's budget, with one leading Euro MP scorning a UK "provocation to Europe".

Oh, you think that's provocative, do you?

Guy Verhofstadt, head of the liberal group (ALDE), accused the UK of "continuing the policies of the past".

Liberal? Liberal? You don't know the meaning of the word. Liberal does not mean peope doing what you say or else.

Anyhow, if you want provocative, try this on for size:

Go fuck yourself, you corrupt, greedy, corrupt, specky, corrupt, authoritarian, corrput, anti-democratic, corrupt fuckwit, go roll that blue and yellow rag you call a flag up, put it in the freezer and when it's frozen solid, take it out and ram it straight up your Chatham pocket.

Provocative enough for you?

The One That Thinks We've Not Been Clear. . .

It is the only conclusion I can come to.

This, to which my attention has been drawn by OH elsewhere today.

David Wilshire, the disgraced Conservative MP, has compared the treatment of politicians over their expense claims to the plight of Jews in Nazi Germany.

A voter who emailed to protest at Mr Wilshire’s behaviour received the reply in which Mr Wilshire compared MPs whose claims were exposed during the expenses scandal to Holocaust victims.

Right, bollocks to it, I've had enough of this shit now.

Firstly - In Nazi Germany the Jews were, after a period of restrictions on their liberties, rounded up, transported en masse and then put into a programme of systematic extermination.

Secondly - MP's have not had this treatment meted out to them.

Thirdly - Jews are an identifiable religious and socio-ethnic group.

Fourthly - MP's are not an identifiable religious and socio-ethnic group.

“The witch hunt against MPs in general will undermine democracy. It will weaken parliament - handing yet more power to governments. Branding a whole group of people as undesirables led to Hitler's gas chambers.”

Right, let's deal with that.

Firstly - In a good Democracy, constituents would be able to look at a venal, money grabbing MP and recall him or her, due to their complete loss of trust in his or her abilities or motives.

Secondly - It is all 646 of you who have weakened parliament. It is your governments who have stripped power from the individual and made them subordinate to the State. Do you mean to tell us that you sitting on your excessively well fed and expensively clothed arse syphoning cash off makes for a strong democracy? Do you think I'm stupid? Well, fuck you mate, your excessively well fed and expensively clothed arse is history.

Thirdly - Yes, the branding of a whole group of people as undesirables did indeed lead to Hitler's gas chambers. Those who would smoke, those who would drink, those who would eat, those who would be free of thought, those who would see us leave the EU, those who would go for a walk down the street, those who go for a walk in the park with their dog and forget to take a plastic bag, those who leave their bin fractionally open, those who would attempt to do their recycling like a good citizen but find the bins are full, those who would question the 'settled science' behind global warming/climate change, those who do what they can to get their kids into the best school available, those who stand at the Cenotaph and read out the names of the lads who have lost their lives on active service, those who would take a photograph of a public space, those who would take a photograph of a public servant, those who would have their friends look after their children, those who would show a bit of fucking humanity and pick up a child who has fallen and cut their knee, those who would drive a car, all have been branded as undesirables.

I could go on, but I fear I would lose the will to live. Funnily enough, MPs would not appear on that list, not even right at the bottom. You see, David, what MPs have done is bring it on themselves. What the people on the list above have had happen is have it forced on them by you and your mates.

No doubt you would dismiss all this as having happened under Labour. But you know what? I don't think you'd be any different. Is it just our money you want, David? I'm betting not, I'm betting you want our money and our obedience.

Still, let's see what else you've been doing.

Earlier this month, The Daily Telegraph disclosed that he had paid £105,000 from his office expenses to Moorlands Research Services, a firm owned himself and his girlfriend.

Doubtless your research firm are world leaders and provided excellent value for money. Even if that is the case, it is the perception of the thing. How could you be so stupid, so arrogant? Did you think we wouldn't find out, or did you just think we'd do as we were told when you stood in the way and told us to mind our own business? Your lot have been nosing around in our lives for years, now the spotlight has been switched. Not very nice is it?

He told his constituents that he had been “attacked” by the Telegraph, but was writing: “with a clear conscience”.

Well good for the Telegraph. It's nice to see something approaching investigative journalism these days. And no, you did not write with a clear conscience, in order for the conscience to be clear there has to be a conscience there in the first place. From where I'm sitting, MP's aren't shamefaced (although I'm struggling to think of one who is ashamed) because they've done wrong, they are angry because they've been caught. They are angry because the report talks about retrospective measures. Well, it's fucking good enough for us, isn't it? Have some of your own medicine, you fat old trougher.

he said: “It is in accord with the rules.”

Well yes. And who made those rules?

The destruction of Jewish businesses was within the rules (hey, you started this comparison, lard-arse), denying the Jewish housing was within the rules, turning Jews into slave labour was within the rules, hoarding the private belongings of the Jews was within the rules, sending Jews to concentration camps was within the rules.

Well, that was until the rest of the world got together in Nuremburg after the war and decided that it was all very much against the rules. How many of the old Nazis got uppity and huffy at the trials, David? Did they sound like you?

In his letter, the MP complained of being the victim of “false allegations” and insisted that his company was “a properly constituted business”.

He added: “This use of allowances to help an MP do his/her job is completely within Parliament’s rules.”

Again, who made these rules?

We are the world as far as you are concerned, David. And for all of you in the house, the General Election will be your Nuremburg.

646 of them. 60 Million of us.

I'm looking forward to my stroll on Thursday.

The One That Is Talking About Tennis. . .

I don't normally talk about sport, but in general, I'm a fan. A huge fan of a couple of sports, a holder of a passing interest in others and very little interest in the rest.

Tennis falls into the latter category for me. I'm not going to rant on about use of licence payers' money on Nanny Beeb's coverage. Wimbledon is one of the global flagship annual sporting events, it is unique and occupies a very important spot in the sporting canon.

For two weeks a large number of people will have their gaze firmly focused on SW19, a good proportion of them will be watching the only sporting event which does hold any interest for them.

I'm watching the news right now, and there's a good demonstration of our fourth ranked national sport. This is the list:

1. Football
2. Cricket
3. Rubgy
4. Wringing hands and wondering why we are so utterly, uselessly, pathetic at tennis.

I'll tell you why.

Firstly, no-one cares about tennis in the country except for these two weeks. The interest just isn't there.

'Hang on, Wolfers,' I hear you say, 'there are X hundred thousand people who play tennis every year.' And that's fine, but how many people actually play, rather than tonking a ball about once a year on the concrete at Butlins? Yes, there are a lot of clubs, and the cry goes out that the kids have to get a crack at these clubs.

Every year a lot of very important people, wearing very important blazers, with very important club crests, set off with nice ties that make them look very important indeed, get together. Every year it is the same, these kids have got to be brought into the clubs and given that training. Every year they make the same resolutions and every year they go back to their tennis clubs and explain that kids will be given a chance at these private clubs. Of course it can't happen at this club, we've the members to think about, but it will happen everywhere else.

OK, OK, so what about the schools? Well what about them? Playing fields have been built upon at an alarming rate, and tennis courts are not an economical use of space. I can think of no sport which uses a larger area to allow 4 people to have a bit of a lark. Take a class of 32 kids, you'd need 8 courts to employ them all in a game of doubles, how many schools have that? Even if you play over a half court, how many schools have 4 courts that are serviceable?

Plus the equipment is expensive. Plus the teachers don't have the specialist coaching skills, plus the best weather for this sport is when the little buggers are off on holiday. And why tennis? Cricket, rugby, athletics, gymnastics, all these sports are endlessly calling for timetable space. Then there's the other subjects which demand more focus, cooking, music, drama, art, science. Christ how many kids are leaving school unable to bloody read and count? And you want them to learn tennis? No, the time is better spent on errrm, personal, social, citizenship, political indoctrination, benefit forms filling in, diversity, inclusivity class or whatever it is called this week. With the amount of different groups making demands that their own special interest is timetabled, it is a wonder the little angels aren't putting in 14 hour, 6 day weeks.

Tennis is an irrelevance, and is treated as such. So let's stop this bullshit every summer, can we? Let's just sit back and enjoy watching the miserable Scottish lad who is quite good, and will almost, but probably not quite, win Wimbledon. Then we can forget the sport until next June.